On Powerlessnes
My two year old daughter took a header, forehead first, into metal bleachers at full speed. We were on Block Island, where there is no hospital and the mainland is an hour boat ride or a fifteen minute plane flight away. Time stood still as I carried her across the field to the EMT who had run to get his go bag.
I barely noticed my surroundings. My daughter, hours later, is fine. She's her normal chipper self, with a smaller-than-expected lump over her left eye.
I am awash with powerlessness. The whole episode, a reminder for me that powerlessness is the truth at the bottom of it all. That we never have control, that we are always powerless. It's humbling. I pretty much suck at it (it being the acceptance of powerless ness), but I am getting better. These somewhat, could-be, tragic moments are slap-in-the-face teachers. But it doesn't always have to be so harsh a lesson.
Here is my focus for the next few days: Powerlessness in micro doses. Practical practices.
I am going to try a few practices this week. They cross back and forth between personal / business /time management strategies, so they can really be used by anyone, and adapted to different things.
1) Taking a step back as a parent. Trusting others to watch my most precious of belonging. It's makes me feel out of control, a little bit untethered. Sitting with this little feeling of powerlessness, not avoiding it, just being with it, is my first practice.
2) Not checking my email until after breakfast. Just typing this makes me feel a little anxious. I generally check my email first thing after opening my eyes. Though it feels really good in some ways, it starts my days too early. So, I am going to sit there in the morning and be a little bit powerless, let the world go on around me, without me, until after I eat breakfast. I don't so much intend for this to last, because I believe that in general, checking my email first thing DOES work for me. But since I need a bit of powerlessness practice, this is one really good place for me to go for a while.
3) Creating a letting go mindfulness meditation practice. I have been working on writing and recording a short meditation on letting go and I know this is the time I need to really press forward. It is called practice because we need to keep at it, keep doing it, keep letting go, letting go, letting go. Soon you'll be able to practice along with me. (For now if you want to start with a little practice, you can download the Awareness of Beginning, which is a three minute download that you can purchase here.)
What will you try?
