A typical night...
Sleeping never used to be so complicated. Here is a typical night. 6pm- Fuck, I am so tired I want to kill myself. What am I going to make for dinner? 7pm- Dinner is in the oven. Can Chris take that damn dog out. Why is this baby still awake? 7:30-7:32pm- Eating while baby cries 7:45pm- Bath for baby. Main goal is making sure she doesn't turn into and icicle since it hasn't been above freezing since she was friggin born. Seriously, this kids must be like WTF? 8pm- Wrangle octopus infant into in to jammies and read book while she grabs and tries to eat it. 8:15pm- put baby into mom and dad's bed. Baby cries. Close door to bathroom and run water so as not to hear baby crying. 8:30pm- get into bed with baby and sing, pat and repeatedly shove nuk in mouth, hers. 9:00pm- Feed child again as there is no other possible means of making her go to sleep. 9:20pm- try to ever so slowly move to other side of bed. 9:21pm- baby wakes up and cries 9:22pm- mover closer to baby so she can suck up all the warmth from my body and pull my hair and suck on my cheeks. 9:25pm- baby is asleep again as long as I do not move. Watch a tv show on laptop with my head turned backwards so that I can remain in full body contact with said infant. 10:30pm- baby wakes up for no reason and cries. Tell baby, no no, it is nightnight time. She squeezes my face and falls back asleep. On a good night she'll sleep straight thru till... 2am- baby wakes up crying. Put paci in baby's mouth. Baby spits it out. Put it in again. She spits it out and cries. Repeat until I give up and nurse the baby. 2:30pm- infant falls asleep nursing. 4pm- repeat 2am procedure. 6am- repeat 4am procedure. 7am, 7:45am- same. 8:30am- Get up and begin day
Awesome, right. So, sleep training, here we come!
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