All in Kindness / Softness
I love fall. I love the turning in the inspiration of pinterest, brisk walks, glowing leaves. It's a transition I am really, really good at. It's the shit that makes my soul glow.
Oh it is the fifth trip to sal–army this week to drop off bags and bags and it feels so amazing. What is it about lightening the load that makes me feel like a balloon? That makes me feel like this:
But as per my usual style, I bit off quite a lot and then added a whole extra heap on top of that. And every time I carve out time for working on these sessions I AM STUCK. That's right. Writer's block. Idea freeze. Brain mush. Major distraction. Thoughtless. Sleepy. Confused. STUCK. Like seriously-cannot-take-one-step-further STUCK.
I am kind of a bitch. But I TRY to be a kind bitch. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. When I am pregnant or otherwise hormonal, it is even harder.
I curse a lot. I am VERY bossy. I am mostly right about everything, all the time.
These are things I am striving for:
I love coming home.
I don't sleep. I wander around and touch my stuff. And wade thru dog fur.
I am out here on the island, eight months pregnant and on my own with a toddler and two dogs. The dogs have been walked daily, the kid is happy and fed and lathered with sunscreen. I've cooked all the meals and done all the dishes sans dishwasher. I feel pretty damn swell about it all. I've even been rocking a bikini.
I want help, I want company, I want to sit my ass in a chair. Simultaneously, I want to move, I want to dig a sand castle, I want to walk really, really, really far into the fog, I want to have a mudslide and then a nap.
I know I am not the only one, right? Right?
The one who lags during some weird eclipse. Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time. Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)