To The Space Between Projects: I Currently Hate You.
Hate's strong. I use it when I am fearful. I've noticed others do too. When we are maxed out uncomfortable and pushed to our edges, there is hate. When there is resistance (for whatever the reason) to incorporate something into our life stories, there is hate. It's reactionary. It is born of fear.
I've talked a lot about finishing stuff recently. Like, BEFORE I take on new shit. Radical, isn't it? (Yes, that's rhetorical, somewhat).
I am a push-forward-always-driven-isn't-she-manic-but-ohsotogether type of person.
So being without something on the horizon is TERRIFYING. And when I say that I really mean it. I mean the kind of heart in your chest and fight or flight fear. How's that for radical honesty?
So right now I have given myself a task that brings up hate and fear. Oh my. Biting off a lot.
So I sit here with the clean slate, the tabula rasa.
So I sit here with the feelings that arise.
So I sit here, in between.