My little cuttlefish!
All in Motherhood
Pardon my one-handed nursing/typing, it's all I've got these days.
What's not to be terrified about? When I got pregnant with my first it was a big surprise. And one that I didn't calmly accept. There was so much grieving for my old life.
It feels like an admission of guilt. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I think it's a weakness. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I am embarrassed to say: "I used to write a lot of poetry."
Build that foundation. Dance in the rain.
I have birthed two babies now. Totally different pregnancies, totally different labors, totally different deliveries. This is the story of how my second baby, my first little boy, Isaac Bright, made his way into the world, face up.
On August 23rd at 2:15 in the morning my son was born.
After nine months of pregnancy and 36 hours of unmediated labor, my life took on new meaning once again.
I came home from the hospital with my first baby, Camilla, I rested for a bit, then hopped right back into my type A shoes and rush forth for a busy three months of holiday shipping in the retail industry. See these pictures? The pack'n'play IN MY STUDIO. Permanent baby strapped to my chest. It worked. I was happy and I felt good. Still, I don't want to repeat it this time. I want slower time, I want down time, quiet time, bonding time. And it's up to me to carve that out.
They say addictive tendencies are passed down through families. Booze, smoking, drugs, pills, meth. Tomatoes? Do those count? Also passed along is the normal genetic crap – like hair color, eye color, breast size and weird toes, etc. And then there is nurture which molds and shapes us.
From my mother I've inherited a few things:
I suppose there are people in the world who go to sleep at night and then wake up the next morning. That hasn't happened for me in over three years. I was up last night (googling smoothie recipes with almond milk frozen in ice cube trays) and thinking about what this might do to my brain, this lack of sleep.
So I got up. And I wrote a WHOLE LONG BLOG POST about my favorite smoothies, with tips and techniques and tricks and it was so clear and awesome and then I hit the FUCKING DELETE button like an idiot.
Knowing to say... This is not a blog day. It is 91 degrees and I am a lot, very much, pregnant. Knowing to say, it's okay, I need to do what I need to do.
What do you need today? Can you breathe and and give yourself at least a little of what you need?