So This Redhead Marries This Girl
So this redhead marries this girl. . .
She is darker- skinned and brown-haired and he hopes that his kids won't inherit the "curse."
By that, he means the ability to sunburn if he even looks out the window.
Well, he's my husband. And we did indeed make two babies and. . .Did it work?
The first one we've tested a bit. And she will survive. She may appear fair, but she has those yellow undertones that means she has yet to burn. Still, part of that is because I slather her with sunscreen. I went all EWG and tried some of least horrendous. (My husband, having been slathered his whole life, hates sunscreen of any type. All he will use is bullfrog gel. I won't let my kids near that stuff. But with hubs, well, I choose my battles. And make him carry his own sunscreen.)
For the rest of us (me, my daughter and my son) we get one tube.
There is NO WAY everyone gets their own sunscreen.
Too much crap in my bag/stroller/car/purse.
Here is what we have tried:
1) Badger Balm - Um, it smells like peanut butter? No. Just, no. Next.
2) California Baby - Love it. But $22 bucks a tube? One tube a week in the summer...no fucking way is this "sustainable." At least not for my wallet.
3) That cheaper pink option everyone likes. BabyGanics? I don't know. It was crap. Like completely useless, shaving cream consistency crap. And literally NO sun protection.
4) Then, Block Island Organics said HEY! Try our stuff! And I was like: "Wait, my family lives on Block Island!" Worth a shot. Maybe it is a sign. Maybe I can find something that works and doesn't leave me for poor.
And...the results are in and it is good! We've tried Block Island Organics in the bright, strong spring sun and NO BURNS! Not even on the little dude! It is unscented, which is great. And i can spread it all over my kids' faces with no streaks!
This summer we test kid two. Will he have the redhead curse? Or will he be soooo protected by Block Island Organics that we won't be able to tell?
So, in order to SPREAD the LOVE. Block Island Organics is giving my
sun-warrior readers
a coupon code good today thru 5/12. Go forth my flock. Buy sunscreen. Use code hannah at check out. And show them some love on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest.
And now. Me and my kids and my sunscreen are going to go sit our butts in the yard. Protected.
Why Mothering Permits Me To Be Only a Pseudo Intellectual
When I have time to read a book, I read a shitty one. One that doesn't utilize any of my (former?) intellectual prowess. In my down time my brain turns into a big stinking pile of mush.
I have two kids and it is wonderful and mind-numbing and inspiring and brutal.
I miss my life. I miss by brain. I miss my husband. I miss my work. Yes. I still get to all of those things. But, god, remember when you could stay up all night and work on something? I can't. If I do (and I have) my next day(s) are brutal. It is just not worth it and OH man I am sad about that. I covet you - you stay-up-all-night-and-create-amazing-works-of-art people.
There. There I am. That complaining mom. Who only has lots of little slivers and no BIG chunk. I am spread thin. And I am complaining and YET. AND YET. I chose this. And, you know what? I choose it again, day after day. I am not willing to give up anything that I love, even if it means I am spread thin.
I know you've heard this before, but we only live once. Motherfucker, even this moment is close to over. So if there is something you want, TAKE IT. Maybe you can drown in it and roll around in it and languish in it. But stick your toe in. Half-ass it if you must. Keep trying.
Mama, Your Kids Need A Break From You
Dear Guilt-Ridden-Mama-Who-Loves-Her-Kids-And-Also-Puts-Them-In-Childcare:
It's okay. Your kids need a break from you too. They need to hear other people's thoughts, other people's wisdom, even, other people's criticisms.
They need to be able to cope with you walking out the door. They need to learn to trust you'll be back and to trust themselves knowing they'll be okay, even without you.
You need to learn that they will still love you best; even when you are not with them every moment.
You are their mama. And you always will be.
But please, mama, don't hold that sweet girl back; Don’t keep the joy of that baby boy all to yourself. Pass those kids around; spread the love. Help them learn about community and compassion and helping one another and helping themselves.
There will be plenty of times that they fall and you'll be there to pick them back up. But sometimes, they'll need to learn to find comfort in someone else’s arms.
Help them learn how.
Teach them by stepping back.
Let them go.
Just a little bit.
Give them space.
They are not your belongings.
Sweet mama, letting go is the hardest thing you will ever learn to do. It will break your heart and you will be alone, again and again.
Arms empty. Womb empty. House empty.
There is no way around it, no way to avoid it, no way to delay it. Sweet mama, don't cling to that baby just because you’re afraid of the day they’ll be gone.
Be brave and give your child room to grow. Continue to grow yourself. You are not a hero because you haven't had time to shower. You are a hero because you trusted your bond with your child enough to hand them over to someone else and go take that shower.
You don't have to put yourself last to be the best mother there is. The best way to support someone is to be beside them and a little behind. Let them go, let them fall; let someone else be there to catch them.
You can't watch every moment of their lives. You can't keep them safe. You can't even keep death away. Yes, sweet mama, it is terrifying. It is can’t-get-up-in-the-morning earth shattering. I know. I'm scared too.
Breathe in, breathe out and let go. Your children are not yours to keep – and you are but one of their teachers. (Click to Tweet)
Allow them many good teachers. Open the doors to your home and the doors to your heart so that your children do the same. Not everyone who comes in will be good, yet this too is one of your lessons to teach.
Sweet mama, each moment IS precious. but please don’t claim them all. Let your baby go out and explore. I can’t promise you it’s safe, I can’t promise you it won’t hurt, but I can promise you this: It’s worth it.
“Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you.”
— Kahil Gibran
Hannah Weishart Garrison is a terrified mother of two who reads all about the mama heroes (heck, she can even read her own text messages) about how each moment is precious and SHIT it all goes so fast she doesn’t want to GIVE UP any moments. God, she wants them ALL TO HERSELF. She business coaches here and is working on launching this.
A Little Bird Told Me to Blog About Granola
Granola is food. As far as I am concerned anything with proteins and carbs that is EASY to eat in many different ways is PERFECT.
It also makes me feel all glowey inside when I make a big batch of ANYTHING. Like I've turned into some kind of survivalist.
So here is what you can do to feel like a glowing bass-ass survivalist:
In one bowl :
- Three cups of grains (I use mostly rolled oats and a bit of uncooked quinoa).
- One to one and a half cups of nuts. I find a combo of pecans and almonds pretty dope as long as I chop them up super fine.
- One teaspoon of salt - I like bigger crystals so it crunches.
- One to two cups of seeds (I favor raw pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds).
- One cup of shredded coconut. Yum.
- Two teaspoons of spices. I am currently using cinnamon and ginger and nutmeg. Explore!
Mix these all up together. Then add,
- 1/4 - 1/2 cup of oil (olive or canola works well)
- 1/2 - 3/4 cup of sweetener (I use maple syrup)
- Optional - One egg white, whisked until foamy before adding. This makes those clusters that I love.
Mix it all up – spread on a parchment paper covered cookie sheet (for easy clean up) – bake at 300 degrees for 45 minutes (stir mid way if you don't want clumps).
It will NOT be hard when you pull it out of the oven. It hardens as it cools. Let it cool all the way. Then add some chopped up dried fruits. About of cup of cranberries, chopped figs and raisins does the trick quite well.
I double the batch and share some with this chick.
I am Hiring a Fucking Nanny
Yes. A nanny/housekeeper is in my crosshairs.
And I am having a meltdown about it.
I FEEL like a stay at home mom, though I know, intellectually, that I am not.
I want someone to do my laundry. But I like doing laundry.
I need help. And I am embarrassed. Don't you know? I am the person who does it all! (NOT). Part of doing it all is asking for help.
There is so much conflict in me that it HURTS. (Click to Tweet)
Inviting someone into my home. Being responsible for yet another someone's livelihood. Trusting that my kids will be okay. Trusting that I will be okay. Trusting that change is okay. Trusting myself.
Well, shit, is that what this is really about? Learning to trust that maybe I need help. Learning that it takes a village and that sometimes, it's a paid village.
Telling someone, candidly, that I don't think they should take a 40 hour a week job, because it just doesn't leave them ENOUGH TIME. And yet, telling someone else, they need more structure.
REFLECTIVE listening. And this INTERNAL COMPASS. That I MUST
LEARN TO TRUST.
But how?
And now, what you've all been waiting for: Hiring a person in THREE EASY STEPS:
- Be very.very.very.very.very clear about what their job is. Explain it well, completely and without fear.
- Like them. Do not hire someone you don't like. They won't do a good job, because the chances are very good they do not like you.
- Trust yourself. (Grrrrrrr)
It Takes All Day To Peel The Carrots
These was the farmers market.
There were the carrots and the parsnips and the brussel sprouts and the potatoes.
All I had to do was buy them and scrub them for dinner.
How did the farmers do it? How was there time in the day (they weren't blogging) to work the earth? How was there time (there was no Instagram) to haul the water? How was there time (there were no smart phones) to finish all the chores before bed.
Let's not forget that this technological lifestyle we live is so, so, so, so, so, so new.
Our brains are adapting to new advances so quickly. We can't even begin to imagine the reality of it. We are the generation of the BEFORE. Before the Internet.
When I was born, no one facebooked about it. It was private, but not lonely.
My children will never know the world before the Internet. They will never know how many books I used to read. They will never know me without a gadget in my hands. They will never glory in the Dewey decimal system. They will never have to pay for a long distance phone call. They won't miss, so deeply, someone's voice.
There is so much connectedness. It makes me tearful, this new world. It makes me want to scoop them up and take them to a different place and time. Take them somewhere simple. Take them to where technology won't sweep away their childhood. Their perceived innocence.
I want to let their brains unfold without stuffing them full. I want them to be bored. I want them to go play.
It's not even about parenting. It is about ourselves and our humanity. (Click to Tweet).
I know you feel it too.
-Hannah
Unpredictable and Demanding:: I Am These
These words are stuck on my tongue. I'm stuck on loop. I keep tripping over these words. Tripping up on these words:
Unpredictable. Demanding.
I use them to describe my son.
It's not very nice of me.
And then there I am, in the shower, alone. For the first time in months. Maybe longer. And I realize that this baby, this boy, is JUST.LIKE.ME. My daughter (now three) was a dream. Easy, fun, soft. Now these harsh words I have for my son – unpredictable, demanding – they are so me. He is just a little mirror. He is high need. His need is high for me. He wants to be looked at, paid attention to. Can you blame him? Can you blame me?
But unpredictable can be beautiful.
And demanding can be brazen but true.
What words describe you right now, today?
Actually, You Can't Have It All
Work and motherhood is a balance blah blah blah blah.
Bullshit.
You can't be the mother you want to be and be the business woman you want to be. It's too wide of a straddle. One foot on the boat, one on the dock.
It's uncomfortable, it's imperfect. It's my life.
Sometimes I think I suck at both. That's just a thought. Sometimes I think I rock at both, that's just a thought.
But, I will never be the 100% mother. I'll always love my work. And I'll never be 100% business woman. I'll always love my family. It crushes my soul and inspires me simultaneously. I day dream about the lecture circuit, the amazing endeavors I would take on sans kids, how successful I know I could be, how powerful. And then I look at their faces while they sleep and I know a night away from them when they are this small is not for me.
It is about choice. And the flip side of choice is sacrifice. And we grieve the loss of the beautiful virgin on the altar.
But we celebrate her life and the rains the sacrifice brought.
This will always be my story. The straddle. The never-quite-one-thing. The half mom and half business person. The half hippy and half yuppie.
The sacrifice, the balance, the choice, the surrender.
But always starting here, with me. With the truth, with brave honesty, authenticity and growing experience.
Do you want to show up with the same? Do you want to balance and straddle and bend and sacrifice and grow and learn and leap? Work with me, and let's figure out how you can be the best you. I'll continue to show up here so you can learn a little bit about my story too.
Giving Up - with a side of beginning, as per usual
Oof. I am depressed today about being able to do way less of my work then I am used to doing. I have no more than 15 minutes to myself at a time. Sometimes less. I knew this was coming, but not how much it would pull the rug out from under me.
Oof. I am depressed today about being able to do way less of my work then I am used to doing. I have no more than 15 minutes to myself at a time. Sometimes less. I knew this was coming, but not how much it would pull the rug out from under me.
Obligations shift.
This baby is different than I expected. (I know, right, expectations, ha!) I know it is just a transition. But I seriously LOVE what I do for work. I adore helping clients, organizing peoples brains, giving them a glimpse of clarity.
I thrive on being creative, thinking and then actualizing my ideas. (I have a new one cooking).
What do you thrive on?
Not that I don't love being awake for more than half the night (what incredible thinking time, scheming time!), but I know I am looking at dialing back my private work time and integrating much more with family time. Two kids is no joke; A three year old and a baby that needs to be carried and walked all.the.time.
I love sleep. I love going to bed early and waking up late. I love naps. I love days where you get more than one nap. None of this remarkable sleep stuff really happens for me anymore. I look at teenagers on the street and the green eyes monster awakens in me. 12 hours plus! Joy!
But, my friends, that's not how it is meant to be for me, right now. Sleep and work, my two favorites; I must
SURRENDER.
And ACCEPT.
So, what's the lesson here? What can I (what can you) learn when obligations shift? When things are different then our expectations.
Shit is gonna change. And that's that.
Breathe it in, ride the waves, roll with it. New kid? New house? New job? Death? Birth? Pain? Whatever it is, the answer is the same. Live it. Fighting it won't change it and it sure as hell won't make it prettier.
Here's what I am doing a lot of now: Making $$ off of how I spend my days. Today: CLOTH DIAPERS
Liking what I have to say? Try these posts:
Why I Put Shit in My Washing Machine
And why, my dearest dears, is this worthy of writing about? What does it have to do with PRACTICAL MINDFULNESS? Well, firstly, it
helps you know me better.
And that is useful because, why would you trust me to help you if I didn't share some of myself. (This has always been my problem with shrinks, by the way. You know they are crazy too, but they can't tell you anything about their crazy!) Luckily, I can tell you
ALL ABOUT MY CRAZY!
While I am up nursing at night I stalk cloth diaper swap boards. It is very strange and OCD and surreal and quiet and I adore it. It's like a shopping addiction where I don't buy anything and get an education. I want to admit this to you because we
ALL NEED strange addictions that CALM US and make us happy.
Seriously. People play candy crush, they Pinterest, the read recipes they'll never make. And I say, more power to you! Let your freak flag fly. Whatever it is,
go out there get a brainless, awesome, calming, addiction.
Don't let it eat you. Don't let it suck you dry. Just use it in moderation, at the right time, to work it's happy magic. And keep it in your back pocket as a COPING SKILL.
Fuck high school and algebra, these are the lessons we need.
How to make it through life. How stalking a cloth diaper swap board helps me keep my cool through six plus weeks of a baby who grunts and cries at me ALL DAY AND NIGHT LONG.
Okay, so my tips-and-tricks-for-living-a successful-life-in-a-practical-and-awesome-manner portion of this blog post is done. Now I am going to actually spend some time talking about cloth diapers. So bug out here if you don't care about the environment, or my baby's ass.
Some details on cloth diapers...
- I have not had to fill up my trash can with stinky ass diapers. (6,500 - 10,000 per kid for 2.5 years of diapering).
- I have not had to put super toxic absorptive gel crap next to the man parts of my itsy bitsy boy. (I also use lady cloth, but thats getting a bit personal, even for me).
- I have saved TONS of money. Diapers (especially the non-kill-your-baby-balls kind) are WICKED expensive. I used prefolds and covers, and I buy USED. It's cheap yo. My other top favorite is Grovia Hybrid diapers.
- I get to make fun things on my sewing machine, like cloth wipes.
- I have a wipes warmer - meaning I can wipe my face and hands with a warm towel any time of day or night without running excessive water and waiting for my on demand water heater to heat some up and use tons of electricity.
- I buy my supplies used and resell when I am done. Less stuff in the world. Boo yah!
- It's easy. Like, seriously, even my husband can cope with it.
- It's cool. Seriously, copy me.
- Want serious waste stats? CLICK HERE and read.