I Need More
Sometimes I need more self care than other times. Is it hormonal? Astrological?
Also, #selfcare didn't really used to be a thing, a buzzword. There was "me time" and "down time" there were just normal freaking people who read books and painted their nails and took showers and ate healthy and that wasn't some special #iterativeliving thing. It was just life.
But back to me...There are times in my life where I don't have to be as protective of my sleep. When I can work late and get up early and be happy. (This isn't one of them.)
There are times in my life where I can survive without eating breakfast. (This isn't one of them.)
There are times in my life where I can plan weeks in advance. When I can see clearly, long distance. (This isn't one of them.)
There are times in my life where I feel connected and grounded and thoughtful and clear. (This isn't one of them.)
But right now - in order to be a good mom, and a good wife, and a good friend, and a good coach, and a good person - I need to sleep, eat, read, and do less. Maybe the #busy caught up with me. Maybe breastfeeding is exhausting.
Maybe maybe maybe, baby.
You know what you need if you stop long enough to listen. (Click to Tweet)
Call it self care, call it indulgent, call is necessary, call it spoiled. Sometime it's just survival. Like when you can't go on any other way.
Just remember this: Take care of yourself when you need to.
Frozen.
I used to say I loved winter. To hunker down inside and work and work and work and work. To turn inward. To reflect and hibernate and put down roots and RITUALS.
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
But this winter I am feeling more trapped. More restricted.
Frozen.
I guess I've something still to learn about stillness. (Click to Tweet)
So now each time I feel trapped, I promise you I'll take a breath.
So now each time I feel restrained, I'll raise my arms and spin in place.
So now each time I must pick my steps so slowly so as not so slip, I will ground and relish in the slowness and intention.
So now each time I pull at the layers, I will relax into the feeling of being held.
So now each time I want to breathe the air, I simply will. And feel the cold bite of frozen air.
And I will promise to capture a few of these moments in the stillness.
After all, we are lucky to have these frozen moments.
When You Just Don't Wanna:: Tips On How To Start, or not.
Stop procrastinating (Hannah), your desk doesn't have to be clean first.
It doesn't have to be quiet.
You don't need it to be perfect.
There is something called a beginning. There is something called good enough.
When you or I wrestle with beginning something, or continuing something, or just picking up the damn toys off the floor we meet one of our biggest teachers. That teacher is RESISTANCE. It says:
I don't want to get up.
I don't want to make dinner.
I don't want to do this job.
I don't want to clean up my toys.
I don't want to pay my bills.
I don't wanna!
We all say it, in one way or another (it doesn't have to be with words). Dads say it. Executives say it. Even yogis say it. My dog says it. The weather says it.
Got a case of the "I don't wanna's" ? Here is a quick guide to meeting that feeling and moving on:
- admit your resistance: Well, hello again resistance to making supper. Fancy meeting you here at suppertime.
- weigh reality: Do I really have to make supper tonight, or is there another, better option?
- reframe it: Instead of hating on the making, love on the action of nourishing your body.
- make it sweeter: While I do this, I'll listen to my new favorite song.
- reward yourself: When I am done, there will be chocolate.
- breathe: Inhale, exhale, repeat.
My First Post of the New Year
2014.
I wanted this post to be brave. I wanted it to represent all that I am. I wanted it to be witty and tearful and profound and shocking and wholeheartedly authentic.
I want to start out on the right foot. (Which one is that?)
I want, I want, I want, I want. Me. Me. Me. Me.
That's not the truth this year.
~~~The truth is that this year is about YOU~~~
- It's about what you think of when your eyes open in the morning.
- It's about who you serve.
- It's about how you help.
- It's about what good you do.
- It's about how you make this world kinder, more real and more worthy.
It's about YOU. Be kind to yourself. (Click to Tweet).
Hello, 2014. Hello, you. Breathe.
Sugar Overload (stuuupid cookies)
You might be done, but I am not.
My birthday is next week (on January first if you are wondering). So, I am in somewhat suspended holiday until then, when I can
resume "normal" life.
What the hell does that mean. I just typed it, I know. But "resume 'normal' life"? WTF? Haven't I been around long enough (guess not) to know there is NO SUCH THING?
There is a lot of change, a lot of upheaval and I am so, so, so happy that this is winter, when I can transition in private. –Click to Tweet. (Oh, except for this blog).
What do you want/need for your post-holiday recovery?
I want to EAT VEGETABLES, DRINK WATER, SHOWER and HAVE A CLEAN SINK.
Why wait, there is squash soup and a tall glass of water waiting for my attention. Tomorrow? A brisk walk, fresh air in my lungs, and a hot new nau jacket.
Because Sometimes When I Go Inside I Want to Leave
Is this normal? I mean, I know there is really no such thing...
I have this love/hate relationship with museums. Also zoos. And the movies. And stores. Pretty much any place that requires me to be A) inside and B) paying attention.
I know I am not alone in this.
But I am always feeling guilty. Look at all these people enjoying themselves. Shopping therapy? More like shopping PTSD. Except for sometimes, when it is fine. WTF? Why does it change? Why am I so unpredictable. Why am I sweating when everyone is cold? Let's just face it:::
Our minds and our bodies are fucking strange.
That's it. I should stop trying to reason this out (it's the hormones, it's the sugar, it's the exhaustion). WHATEVER. Why do we need to justify it? Can't we just feel what we feel what we feel what we feel what we feel?
Nope. Not me. I have this
deep seated need to overanalyze.
Why am I sweating in the gem room? Am I overly sensitive to the amethyst? Is it the lighting. Why am I so damn sensitive? The loops, the endless brain loops.
Moral of the story being::: THESE ARE JUST THOUGHTS. Really. That's it. Neither true nor false, nor requiring an analysis of such. THE ARE JUST THOUGHTS.
Just another day/moment of my fucked up and beautiful insanity.
THIS (here and now) Is Where The Work Begins
On August 23rd my son was born. On September 13th my daughter turned three. On September 23rd I was married for seven years. On October 30th we bought our third piece of property and moved. The next 6 weeks are my busiest of the year. One of my mother's best friends just died.
This is where the work begins.
We used to live in a loft and smoke cigarettes in bed. Anxieties ran high. Responsibilities ran low. Or so I now see.
The thing is,
I am no longer living MY life.
Well, I never was. You aren't living your own life. We are, each of us, participants in so many lives.
I am creating a life, yes.
I am shaping lives, yes.
I am sharing experiences, yes.
I am peering through windows into lives I would never otherwise see.
So with each tantrum (mine, mostly) in all of these terribly tender, tricky moments I try to remember that:
I am only a participant in this moment.
It is not MINE to control. Step back, Hannah. Release it. Experience it. But for gosh sakes, stop getting so darn caught up and over thinking it.
Forward always.
Do Not Let It Fall Into Place
It's really easy to get stuck. I don't want you to eat the same thing for breakfast everyday. Patterns are good. Patterns are the enemy. I am conflicted.
Both statements are true.
Spread your wings. Do something different. Burst the bubble of familiarity.
And yet, familiarity makes us comfortable, keep it stable, allows us to stretch in new ways. From that solid foundation of knowing what you will wear, you can branch out and confront new people. Like that stuffed animal, the constant companion–with it by your side there are no monsters.
This week, we give thanks for each.
For the Newness. For the Sameness. For the Balance.
I AM:: Scattered, A Hot Mess
Fuck it, man. I am really good at a few things. But not today. Well, maybe this morning. But not today. Maybe a little bit in the afternoon. But not today. The evening kinda crumbled, but when I had to be I was still:
pretty fucking good.
Right, right? Isn't that what I would tell you to say to yourself? Even when (and that when, for me, is RIGHT NOW) you feel completely scattered and like you are doing not one bit of good. What do I usually say?
Become present and SLOW DOWN.
That's it, have I drilled it home? That's what I should do. That's what you need to do. Plant feet. On earth. Focus eyes. Downward. Drink a glass of water. I am going to remind us, together, again and again. Until we listen and really hear. Until we relapse and speed up and I say, "Hey. Wait. Look at me. Slow down." NOURISH YOURSELF. PLEASE. It will make the world a better place. You can't
runabusiness.bealive.raiseyourbabies.thinkgoodthoughts
unless you learn this VERY basic but not so easy coping skill. Everything is telling you to multitask. To connect. Fast. Instant Message. Constant contact. Go, go, go.
Who tells you to go take a nap? To stick your feet in some grass, or some fluffy socks? To take care of your damn self because that is the
BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR ANYBODY else.
I DO. I am telling you. It's your job. Your first job. Your only real job. Take care of your scattered hot mess self. Do it however you know how. If you don't know how:: learn. NOW. It's past time.
Make it a New Year's resolution, join a cult, take my self care session. I don't care how you get there as long as you get to care. Take a step in that direction and DO IT RIGHT NOW. There is no time to waste.
Was it an excuse? You have to do what? Someone needs what? Screw it. At least for a minute.
Moving Life
I know I am not the only one who loves moving. But I really do. I've been getting rid of stuff lately and now I am so excited to pare down even more and pack up.
We were approved for our loan (our third, ohmygod) to buy the new blue house! And we close (I think) in about two weeks.
Now on the agenda:
I know I am not the only one who loves moving. But I really do. I've been getting rid of stuff lately and now I am so excited to pare down even more and pack up.
We were approved for our loan (our third, ohmygod) to buy the new blue house! And we close (I think) in less than ten days.
Now on the agenda:
- Packing. (Yippee Yeah YEAH Yahoo!)
- Fixing up our current place. Want to come paint window trim for us? Also, patching walls, cleaning, primping, making gorgeous.
- Trying to rent our current apt. See listing HERE. And please, pass it around.
- Taking care of two kids, running a few businesses, and wait, doing this all in the next two weeks!
- Is there something I am missing? Like dreaming about stuff for the new house on etsy?
- Oh, right, taking off the trim in the laundry room to get the washer out, switching the plug back to a euro to put in a different washer/dryer, getting the mason to come and re-tile the shower....crap! Go, team, go!
And now, because you always look for this:
Mindfulness in Moving
Things to notice as you go:
- SPACE. Stop. Breathe it it, feel it around you.
- STUFF. See your attachments. Note them & move gently along.
- DECISIONS. Yes, we all make them. Trust yourself deeply.
- TIME. Things change. We are always IN FLUX. Breathe again. Accept.
- CALM. Even in the most harrowed moments, there are other moments within.
