It Is Worth It: So Many Things About Sadness
It is worth writing about sadness.
I am not very good at sadness. I'm not skilled at it.
- I can ignore it so fully that I truly that I don't know it is there.
- I can sense it and turn away, rush forward, DO something, instead of just being with it.
- I can suppress it so long that it becomes something else.
Mostly it's the fear that manifests.
But so it is with most things. It is our feeling of fear that bubbles up. That manifests. That reminds us, it's not all okay.
She comes to some in night times.
Me, she visits on hot, beautiful, clear sparkly days.
- Whispering to my friend that she couldn't nurse her baby.
- Whispering to my grandmother about her own death.
- Whispering to me about tomorrow.
What does fear whisper to you? (Click to Tweet)
But peeling. Ever deeper. Reaching below the fear to scratch and sniff and see, what's there?
This fear, it reminds me:
Hello, sadness on beautiful days.
And shoulds.
Oh the shoulds.
Mama, Your Kids Need A Break From You
Dear Guilt-Ridden-Mama-Who-Loves-Her-Kids-And-Also-Puts-Them-In-Childcare:
It's okay. Your kids need a break from you too. They need to hear other people's thoughts, other people's wisdom, even, other people's criticisms.
They need to be able to cope with you walking out the door. They need to learn to trust you'll be back and to trust themselves knowing they'll be okay, even without you.
You need to learn that they will still love you best; even when you are not with them every moment.
You are their mama. And you always will be.
But please, mama, don't hold that sweet girl back; Don’t keep the joy of that baby boy all to yourself. Pass those kids around; spread the love. Help them learn about community and compassion and helping one another and helping themselves.
There will be plenty of times that they fall and you'll be there to pick them back up. But sometimes, they'll need to learn to find comfort in someone else’s arms.
Help them learn how.
Teach them by stepping back.
Let them go.
Just a little bit.
Give them space.
They are not your belongings.
Sweet mama, letting go is the hardest thing you will ever learn to do. It will break your heart and you will be alone, again and again.
Arms empty. Womb empty. House empty.
There is no way around it, no way to avoid it, no way to delay it. Sweet mama, don't cling to that baby just because you’re afraid of the day they’ll be gone.
Be brave and give your child room to grow. Continue to grow yourself. You are not a hero because you haven't had time to shower. You are a hero because you trusted your bond with your child enough to hand them over to someone else and go take that shower.
You don't have to put yourself last to be the best mother there is. The best way to support someone is to be beside them and a little behind. Let them go, let them fall; let someone else be there to catch them.
You can't watch every moment of their lives. You can't keep them safe. You can't even keep death away. Yes, sweet mama, it is terrifying. It is can’t-get-up-in-the-morning earth shattering. I know. I'm scared too.
Breathe in, breathe out and let go. Your children are not yours to keep – and you are but one of their teachers. (Click to Tweet)
Allow them many good teachers. Open the doors to your home and the doors to your heart so that your children do the same. Not everyone who comes in will be good, yet this too is one of your lessons to teach.
Sweet mama, each moment IS precious. but please don’t claim them all. Let your baby go out and explore. I can’t promise you it’s safe, I can’t promise you it won’t hurt, but I can promise you this: It’s worth it.
“Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you.”
— Kahil Gibran
Hannah Weishart Garrison is a terrified mother of two who reads all about the mama heroes (heck, she can even read her own text messages) about how each moment is precious and SHIT it all goes so fast she doesn’t want to GIVE UP any moments. God, she wants them ALL TO HERSELF. She business coaches here and is working on launching this.
Giving Up - with a side of beginning, as per usual
Oof. I am depressed today about being able to do way less of my work then I am used to doing. I have no more than 15 minutes to myself at a time. Sometimes less. I knew this was coming, but not how much it would pull the rug out from under me.
Oof. I am depressed today about being able to do way less of my work then I am used to doing. I have no more than 15 minutes to myself at a time. Sometimes less. I knew this was coming, but not how much it would pull the rug out from under me.
Obligations shift.
This baby is different than I expected. (I know, right, expectations, ha!) I know it is just a transition. But I seriously LOVE what I do for work. I adore helping clients, organizing peoples brains, giving them a glimpse of clarity.
I thrive on being creative, thinking and then actualizing my ideas. (I have a new one cooking).
What do you thrive on?
Not that I don't love being awake for more than half the night (what incredible thinking time, scheming time!), but I know I am looking at dialing back my private work time and integrating much more with family time. Two kids is no joke; A three year old and a baby that needs to be carried and walked all.the.time.
I love sleep. I love going to bed early and waking up late. I love naps. I love days where you get more than one nap. None of this remarkable sleep stuff really happens for me anymore. I look at teenagers on the street and the green eyes monster awakens in me. 12 hours plus! Joy!
But, my friends, that's not how it is meant to be for me, right now. Sleep and work, my two favorites; I must
SURRENDER.
And ACCEPT.
So, what's the lesson here? What can I (what can you) learn when obligations shift? When things are different then our expectations.
Shit is gonna change. And that's that.
Breathe it in, ride the waves, roll with it. New kid? New house? New job? Death? Birth? Pain? Whatever it is, the answer is the same. Live it. Fighting it won't change it and it sure as hell won't make it prettier.
Here's what I am doing a lot of now: Making $$ off of how I spend my days. Today: CLOTH DIAPERS
Liking what I have to say? Try these posts:
I Am Tired of Writing About Mom Shit (GIVEAWAY!)
Today was fine.
It was a regular day (guitar string bracelets, building websites, booking clients, wiping poopy bums, eating, doing laundry, paying bills, painting trim, going to pediatrician, vacuuming, taking the dogs out, selling cloth diapers online, taking pictures of my food, talking to my employees, yelling at my husband, scheduling email blasts, planning sales for holiday season) and it was fine.
Today was fine.
It was a regular day (guitar string bracelets, building websites, booking clients, wiping poopy bums, eating, doing laundry, paying bills, painting trim, going to pediatrician, vacuuming, taking the dogs out, selling cloth diapers online, taking pictures of my food, talking to my employees, yelling at my husband, scheduling email blasts, planning sales for holiday season) and it was fine. Did I mention that already? I don't want to look a fine gift horse in the mouth, because there are PLENTY of days (trust me) when fine would have been FREAKING AMAZING. But lately these fine kind of busy, half-asleep days are kinda lackluster.
I want something REALLY exciting to happen.
(I think I am, like, an excitement junkie at this point – cause buying a house and having a baby aren't exciting enough?)
And so I think. What would I like? What would be exciting? Well, my answer is this: Something that wasn't mom shit. It's not that I don't love my kids (I do), it's not that I am not an asshole (I am), it's just that some days I am bored and I miss throwing myself FULL FORCE into my business.
So, in order to jumpstart my process and carve out the time I need for my business, I am doing something I've never done before. I am
giving away a
free mini session. Gulp.
Are you interested?
Choose from these phone/skype session options:
- 30 Minutes to Goal Planning
- 30 Minutes to Computer Sanity
- 30 Minutes to Time Management
- 30 Minutes to Inspiration
- 30 Minutes to Money Smarts
- 30 Minutes to Self Care
TO ENTER: All you've got to do is tell me why you need it. Either comment below or email me if you'd prefer to keep it private. A week from this post (10/10) I'll pick the winner and we can schedule your session!
Good luck! And do, go, share with your friends.
BY WAY OF REMINDER...
WHO MY CLIENTS ARE:
- People who are interested in being fulfilled, having the "good life."
- People who want to live in accordance with what they value.
- People who are willing to work hard, but don't want to work all the time.
- People seeking balance (between work and pleasure, between giving and taking, between passion and income).
- People who want to discuss, clarify and create goals for business and personal advancement.
WHAT I CAN HELP WITH:
- Helping you to figure out your goals, short/ long term, business/personal.
- Helping you create a schedule that works for you, that encourages you to thrive.
- Helping you organize your life, your priorities and your time.
- Mapping out and achieving your financial goals, both business and personal.
- Helping you to understand and honor your strengths and adapt to and work with your weaknesses.
- Helping you to realize that you are full of skills and amazing qualities that need to shine.
- Listening and processing along side you.
More HERE.
Must you know more? Read on...
Message from a Mom (that's me)
Pardon my one-handed nursing/typing, it's all I've got these days.
What's not to be terrified about? When I got pregnant with my first it was a big surprise. And one that I didn't calmly accept. There was so much grieving for my old life.
Dear I'm-Not-Sure-If-I'm-Ready-To-Be-A-Mom,
Pardon my one-handed nursing/typing, it's all I've got these days.
What's not to be terrified about? When I got pregnant with my first it was a big surprise. And one that I didn't calmly accept. There was so much grieving for my old life. Passing from maiden to mother, life transitions. This time around I felt grief for infringing on my relationship and my exclusive love for my daughter.
Change is fucking hard. Profound responsibility is hard.
Add my insane level of anxiety to the mix and it was even harder! But here I am, in my underwear, in bed at 8:30, one kid asleep, one nursing and crying, alternately. By morning I will be exhausted, but mostly just sick of sleeping in 1 hr spurts. I might not want to get dressed. I might cry.
But I'll make it through another day.
And I'll make it through parenthood.
And I'll make mistakes and I'll be terrified.
And you will be too. And you'll question each decision and each moment.
Great love involves great risk. What really is the worst thing? What is your biggest fear?
Not to be contrived, but I'll leave you with my favorite quote:
I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life— and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. —Georgia O'Keeffe
Luck and love-- I am always here with brutal honesty if you have any questions.
-Hannah
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I Used to Write a LOT of Poetry
It feels like an admission of guilt. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I think it's a weakness. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I am embarrassed to say: "I used to write a lot of poetry."
It feels like an admission of guilt. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I think it's a weakness. "I used to write a lot of poetry."
I am embarrassed to say: "I used to write a lot of poetry."
But it is true.
So here goes. Here I go again:
For you both I would,
give up all self.
But I can't, because you need me
as me. Imperfect, yet whole.
The heart cracks and we draw with chalk, making virtues of the fissures.
"My mother taught me this," I say.
"My mother taught me this," you'll say.
Each one of us, desperately intertwined, kicking the net.
A few great things happen each lifetime. These are mine.
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I am 32 and I Just Used Body Wash for the First Time
about 3 weeks ago
about a month ago
Two Cleaning Tips for Instant Self Care
I came home from the hospital with my first baby, Camilla, I rested for a bit, then hopped right back into my type A shoes and rush forth for a busy three months of holiday shipping in the retail industry. See these pictures? The pack'n'play IN MY STUDIO. Permanent baby strapped to my chest. It worked. I was happy and I felt good. Still, I don't want to repeat it this time. I want slower time, I want down time, quiet time, bonding time. And it's up to me to carve that out.
When I came home from the hospital with my first baby, Camilla, I rested for a bit, then hopped right back into my type A shoes and rush forth for a busy three months of holiday shipping in the retail industry. See these pictures? The pack'n'play IN MY STUDIO. Permanent baby strapped to my chest. It worked. I was happy and I felt good. Still, I don't want to repeat it this time. I want slower time, I want down time, quiet time, bonding time. And it's up to me to carve that out.
Really, what that means, is it is always up to each and every one of us to carve out our own DOWN TIME. No one will force us to care for ourselves. And for the self employed, and the type A's, and the working moms - well, let's just say this might not be our number one skill by nature, we have to work to nurture it. There are a lot of pieces to the self care puzzle. But today I am going to pick ONE concrete area where I can do a little practical work to pave the way of self care for the next few months:
Cleaning up a few little special "me" spaces to promote EASE and INSPIRATION.
- I like a clean desk. So when I move into my workspace, only work awaits me and I can jump right in. If there is clutter in my work space I find working is harder. Wait a second - aren't we talking about self care. Darn work, always sneaking in :) But in truth, work is a part of our self, so any care we take there nurtures us as well. Go, clean your desk.
- Clean thing number two. I am on a roll here! Another thing I like to have de-cluttered is my bedside table. With a house full of dogs and kids and projects I just want to see something clear and relaxing and inspiring when I first awake. Right now, it's not looking so good. My draw has become a catch all, there are cords and wires all tangled, a bunch of used tissues, and not ONE item of inspiration. Okay, this is it. I've got to move on this one today and get my morning shrine on. I am thinking: Clean it up! Add art, a quote or two for inspiration, a nice coaster for my water glass, a drawer separator, small journal with a nice pen, a good book (quotes maybe), a new Chapstick. What else?
Here are a few shots form my desk area that make me smile:
Crack (AKA Heirloom Tomatoes) & Genetics – What I Got From My Mom
They say addictive tendencies are passed down through families. Booze, smoking, drugs, pills, meth. Tomatoes? Do those count? Also passed along is the normal genetic crap – like hair color, eye color, breast size and weird toes, etc. And then there is nurture which molds and shapes us.
From my mother I've inherited a few things:
They say addictive tendencies are passed down through families. Booze, smoking, drugs, pills, meth. Tomatoes? Do those count? Also passed along is the normal genetic crap – like hair color, eye color, breast size and weird toes, etc. And then there is nurture which molds and shapes us.
From my mother I've inherited a few things:
- A severe addition to buying all the heirloom tomatoes that I can get my hands on during the last two weeks of August in the Northeast. Seriously, folks today I spent OVER $60 on tomatoes. And that is just ONE DAY of tomato buying. I will eat them all. Well, my mother is visiting, so she will help. And my daughter (be it by nature or nurture) has also inherited this severe addiction.
- I did not inherit my mother's blond hair, bad teeth, aversion to conflict or affinity to beer.
- I did inherit her big boobs, long legs, green eyes, and lack of verbal filter.
All in all, I think I've done pretty well. And if my daughter's worst addiction continues to be tomatoes, I think we will all get big pats on the back.
How to Prepare an Heirloom Tomato for Proper Consumption
- Never, ever, ever, ever put that tomato near the fridge.
- Have a good, sharp knife. And slice that ugly/beauty in thick rounds.
- Sprinkle with good salt, preferably course, preferably sea salt.
- Let sit for about an hour.
- Eat.