Mama, Your Kids Need A Break From You

Dear Guilt-Ridden-Mama-Who-Loves-Her-Kids-And-Also-Puts-Them-In-Childcare:

It's okay. Your kids need a break from you too. They need to hear other people's thoughts, other people's wisdom, even, other people's criticisms.

They need to be able to cope with you walking out the door.  They need to learn to trust you'll be back and to trust themselves knowing they'll be okay, even without you.

You need to learn that they will still love you best; even when you are not with them every moment.

You are their mama.  And you always will be.

But please, mama, don't hold that sweet girl back; Don’t keep the joy of that baby boy all to yourself.  Pass those kids around; spread the love.  Help them learn about community and compassion and helping one another and helping themselves.

There will be plenty of times that they fall and you'll be there to pick them back up.  But sometimes, they'll need to learn to find comfort in someone else’s arms.  

Help them learn how.

Teach them by stepping back. 

Let them go.  

Just a little bit.  

Give them space.  

They are not your belongings. 

Sweet mama, letting go is the hardest thing you will ever learn to do. It will break your heart and you will be alone, again and again.  

Arms empty. Womb empty.  House empty.

There is no way around it, no way to avoid it, no way to delay it.  Sweet mama, don't cling to that baby just because you’re afraid of the day they’ll be gone.

Be brave and give your child room to grow.  Continue to grow yourself.  You are not a hero because you haven't had time to shower.  You are a hero because you trusted your bond with your child enough to hand them over to someone else and go take that shower.

You don't have to put yourself last to be the best mother there is.  The best way to support someone is to be beside them and a little behind.  Let them go, let them fall; let someone else be there to catch them.  

You can't watch every moment of their lives.  You can't keep them safe.  You can't even keep death away.  Yes, sweet mama, it is terrifying. It is can’t-get-up-in-the-morning earth shattering.  I know.  I'm scared too.

Breathe in, breathe out and let go. Your children are not yours to keep – and you are but one of their teachers. (Click to Tweet)

Allow them many good teachers.  Open the doors to your home and the doors to your heart so that your children do the same.  Not everyone who comes in will be good, yet this too is one of your lessons to teach.

Sweet mama, each moment IS precious. but please don’t claim them all.  Let your baby go out and explore.  I can’t promise you it’s safe, I can’t promise you it won’t hurt, but I can promise you this: It’s worth it.

“Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you.”

— Kahil Gibran

Hannah Weishart Garrison is a terrified mother of two who reads all about the mama heroes (heck, she can even read her own text messages) about how each moment is precious and SHIT it all goes so fast she doesn’t want to GIVE UP any moments.  God, she wants them ALL TO HERSELF.  She business coaches here and is working on launching this.

A Maker and In Business: The Invocation of Balance.

Someone said the words to me last night: "You have to be a maker too."

At the beginning of things (things being this haphazard and awesome world I call my career/life) I was a MAKER.

I worked with my hands and in my brain, but with that part of my brain that wasn't linear.  I used that part of my brain that was spinning and on fire. That passionate and creative spark. I've still got it.  But it is a bit more buried these days.

You've gotta coax creativity sometimes. (Click to Tweet)

I love business. I love running a business and managing a business and all of those things involving numbers and goals and planning and marketing and making things for business BETTER.  Seriously, ask my clients,

I THRIVE on this shit.  

Need to help clarify your goals? Make a marketing plan?  Get some debt paid off?  Make more money?  I am your woman. Running my businesses and coaching others to run theirs more effectively is who I am.  I'd jump for joy at the opportunity to help you.

But. But. But. But. But.

It is NOT ENOUGH.

I must make as well.  I must tap into that fluid place where color folds onto itself and shapes come into being.  And so must begin, 

the invocation of balance.

You should spend some time today thinking about how to find yours.

You Bright-Eyed-Bushy-Tailed Business Fledgling

I have this new client (a start-up) and they are so tired that I am tired for them.  Just totally exhausted.

What do we do as self-employed types? Eat chocolates and curl up in bed? (No, but that's what my dog did today while I was out all day, sigh.) 

Here are just a few of those many hats:

• budgeting
• paying bills
• entering expenses
• communicating with clients
• creating estimates and invoices
• buying office supplies
• maintaining mailing lists
• creating newsletters
• researching
• facebook, twitter, instagram, linkedin
• maintaining equipment
• paying taxes

Oh, right, and then there is doing all the actual work people pay you for...

Are you scared yet?  

Is it a lot of work? Yes.  Yes, it is.

Are you bored yet? Does some of it suck?  

Yes.  Yes, it does.

That being said, I have so much respect for those people who are running businesses with no prior business experience.  

Talk about BAD ASS PEOPLE BITING OFF MORE THAN THEY CAN CHEW.

(CLICK TO TWEET)

The slope is steep. (I know!)

This is one of my most treasured parts of working with fledgling businesses.  

I like to coax all of those threads of confusion into beautiful tapestry.  

• Make things simpler.
• Follow a plan, yet be flexible.
• Create something EFFECTIVE.
• Work within your capacity.

I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.  TRUST ME.  I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Organizing - My Brain

I am telling you the truth when I say that somedays I wish I could hire myself.  I spent the last two days wrestling with pregnancy hormones and trying to sort out my plan of attack.  Guess what?

 I didn't get there yet.  And that's okay.  Or at least, that's what I'd tell you.  So that's what I am telling myself.  It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.  Allow space for these feelings, allow things to be DIFFERENT.  I am choosing to allow myself to be DIFFERENT then I perceive myself to "normally" be.  I tend to be very clear when it comes to my (or your) plan of action.  These last few days, I can  see yours clearly, but not mine.  Can I roll with that?  Can I make lists and watch the rain and read Dr. Seuss to my daughter and do some laundry and ignore some dishes and make something with my hands?  Can I give myself the chance to NOT BE ORGANIZED OR EFFICIENT?  

I'd like to try to let these feelings just float around and not attach to them.  Not to struggle against the flow.  Not to try to understand the WHY of it all.  I'm gonna give it a shot and just keep repeating these words:  Allow, alllow, allow.  Don't judge, don't justify.  Allow, allow, allow.

How do you adapt when you are not feeling like yourself? 

Do you use inspiration?  THIS print about songbirds and roots inspires me. 

I Needed a Little Inspiration (& another GIVEAWAY)

I know I am not the only one, right?  Right?  

The one who lags during some weird eclipse.  Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time.   Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)

I know you lurk out there with your off days too.  It's not a secret you can keep from me.  Nor one that I want to keep from you!   I created these prints to help me through times that I needed a reminder (can you tell I really like reminders) of something or other.  A little inspiration and a few deep breaths helps me.  it helps me a lot.  So I wanted to share with you. 

I now offer for sale a set of five 4"x4" prints for $4.95 or, you can get a dozen for $9.95.   

Check them out HERE. 

Comment below with which one is your favorite.  Next Friday I'll mail a few out to some lucky winners.  Share for an additional entry. 

I Give You Permission

Standing in the mall, in the stupid mall, hands sweating, blood rushing.  "I just can't," I thought.  

 I am pretty sure that this sometimes happens to you too, maybe not in the mall, but somewhere, you crash.

 I have a recommendation for you on those days.  And I am trying to listen to it for myself as well.  

Don't push so hard. Give yourself permission.

Why is this so hard to be okay with? Why can't I just step back and breathe?  Why can't I take my own advice?  Well, it's because I so often equate my own sense of self worth with what I can accomplish.  I know this to be a pitfall for very many self-employed and very driven people.  And the solution is two-fold:  1) PRIDE and 2) PRACTICE.

We are raised and rewarded in a society that gives feedback for effort.   Most of us have never heard "great job taking care of yourself today."  Rather we get gold stars and A's in school and praise from bosses or co-workers for a job well done.  So what happens when you are the boss?  Who gives you that feedback you were so acclimatized to?  Who decides how much homework is too much?  Who decides when you are pushing too hard?

There are so many benefits to being self-employed. But one of the biggest drawbacks is the LACK of feedback and the sense of unending RESPONSIBILITY to be driven. 

I practice my own two-fold solution: 

1.  PRIDE- I will take a deep breath and have pride in what I do, overall.  I will take another deep breath and pat myself on the back and realize, every moment doesn't have to be 100% for me to be doing a good job.  I will walk out of the mall.
2. PRACTICE- I will practice not pushing so hard.  I will breath and practice being and breath again and practice again.   One foot in front of the other.  

It's true, I like numbers...

I think you can too, if you get to know them.  I am offering an e-course on creating an expense budget for only $14.95 (I bet you like that number!)

The course is over 20 pages of step-by-step how-to's as well as access to password protected videos.

You get a download-  so you can buy it right now, and start working at your own pace whenever you want!

Directed at women and small business owners.  Great for personal  or business use, or both.  

I also am just an email away if you have questions during the course.

Let me share a little number love with you today!  You want it, you need it.  Tell your money struggling friends.

Click for more info... 

or watch a video HERE. 

Personal Honesty in Business, Part II

Negotiation is one of my particular strengths.  My skills have increased over time, but negotiation always something I found enjoyable and was good at.  Now that I have a toddler I am getting a whole different kind of practice, which makes me a bit introspective. My ultimate goal (and the reason I enjoy negotiation ) is:

I like when both parties get what they want. 

To me, a successful negotiation is when both parties "win. "  Many tactical negotiation strategies have to do with NOT being honest going into a negotiation.  I think differently. I think that if you actually ask for what you want, then you are more likely to end up with it.  My brother, an attorney, recommended a great book to me.  It is extraordinarily simple, which makes it a pleasure to nod to as you are reading.  It's called Getting to Yes, by Robert Fisher and the basic premises are these:

1. There doesn't have to be a trade off between getting along with someone and getting what you want from someone.  It's not an either or situation.  
2. Negotiation is for MUTUAL GAIN.  You wouldn't be negotiating if there weren't something at stake that benefited both of you.   Remember that. 
3. If the other party stoops to a lower level and tries to manipulate or take advantage of you, don't meet them there.  Hold your truth.   
4. Don't attempt a strategy.  BE HONEST and do business with honest people whenever possible. 

Related posts that you might dig: 

BLOG

Measuring Success:: How Good Am I?

about 3 days ago

You Bright-Eyed-Bushy-Tailed Business Fledgling

about a week ago

Plan Your Tomorrow, Do It Today

about a month ago

Personal Honesty in Business, Part I

Honesty in business, for me, is being first and foremost honest about who I am.  When I started getting into business and leaving the nine-to-five word, I was very guarded about sharing any parts of myself.  I thought that to be a professional meant very certain things and I lived and worked under these assumptions. 

As I grew, both as a businesswoman and an individual, I realized that keep this harsh "professional" separateness was NOT serving me.  It made me feel inauthentic and secretive, which are not qualities I wanted to bring to my work.  As I started sharing more of myself, my work became more EFFECTIVE.  

At the end of the day, that's what I want, to be effective at what I do.  I've learned that letting a little bit of myself through that professional wall allows me to maximize my efficiency and improve my business relationships.

Three ways you can begin to share more:

1. Tell the truth when someone asks you how you are.  Let them in, not for an hour, but just for a couple of minutes.  Even if you are on a conference call, this honest check-in lets them know where you are really coming from.
2. Be willing to listen to what someone else is feeling.  Being a good listener is a big part of honesty.  We have to be confident and open enough to sit in silence and listen, thoughtfully.   
3. If a client or co-worker is having a difficult time, share with them a personal anecdote.  You don't have to go into great detail,  but it is always comforting for them to know they aren't experiencing something in a vacuum.

Related posts that you might dig: 

When You Just Don't Wanna:: Tips On How To Start, or not.

about 6 days ago

My First Post of the New Year

about a month ago

Sugar Overload (stuuupid cookies)

about a month ago