It Takes All Day To Peel The Carrots

These was the farmers market.  

There were the carrots and the parsnips and the brussel sprouts and the potatoes.  

All I had to do was buy them and scrub them for dinner.

How did the farmers do it?  How was there time in the day (they weren't blogging) to work the earth? How was there time (there was no Instagram) to haul the water?  How was there time (there were no smart phones) to finish all the chores before bed.

Let's not forget that this technological lifestyle we live is so, so, so, so, so, so new.  

Our brains are adapting to new advances so quickly.  We can't even begin to imagine the reality of it.  We are the generation of the BEFORE.  Before the Internet.  

When I was born, no one facebooked about it. It was private, but not lonely.  

My children will never know the world before the Internet.  They will never know how many books I used to read.  They will never know me without a gadget in my hands. They will never glory in the Dewey decimal system.  They will never have to pay for a long distance phone call. They won't miss, so deeply, someone's voice.  

There is so much connectedness.  It makes me tearful, this new world.  It makes me want to scoop them up and take them to a different place and time.  Take them somewhere simple. Take them to where technology won't sweep away their childhood. Their perceived innocence.  

I want to let their brains unfold without stuffing them full.  I want them to be bored.  I want them to go play. 

It's not even about parenting.  It is about ourselves and our humanity.  (Click to Tweet).

I know you feel it too.

-Hannah

Unpredictable and Demanding:: I Am These

These words are stuck on my tongue.  I'm stuck on loop.  I keep tripping over these words.  Tripping up on these words:

Unpredictable.  Demanding.

I use them to describe my son.

It's not very nice of me.  

And then there I am, in the shower, alone.  For the first time in months.  Maybe longer. And I realize that this baby, this boy, is JUST.LIKE.ME.  My daughter (now three) was a dream.  Easy, fun, soft.  Now these harsh words I have for my son – unpredictable, demanding – they are so me.  He is just a little mirror.  He is high need.  His need is high for me.  He wants to be looked at, paid attention to.  Can you blame him?  Can you blame me? 

But unpredictable can be beautiful.  

And demanding can be brazen but true.  

What words describe you right now, today? 

Message from a Mom (that's me)

Dear I'm-Not-Sure-If-I'm-Ready-To-Be-A-Mom,

Pardon my one-handed nursing/typing, it's all I've got these days.  

What's not to be terrified about? When I got pregnant with my first it was a big surprise.  And one that I didn't calmly accept.  There was so much grieving for my old life.  Passing from maiden to mother, life transitions.  This time around I felt grief for infringing on my relationship and my exclusive love for my daughter.

Change is fucking hard.  Profound responsibility is hard.

  Add my insane level of anxiety to the mix and it was even harder!  But here I am, in my underwear, in bed at 8:30, one kid asleep, one nursing and crying, alternately.  By morning I will be exhausted, but mostly just sick of sleeping in 1 hr spurts.  I might not want to get dressed.  I might cry.  

But I'll make it through another day.

And I'll make it through parenthood.

And I'll make mistakes and I'll be terrified.

And you will be too.  And you'll question each decision and each moment.

Great love involves great risk.  What really is the worst thing?  What is your biggest fear?

Not to be contrived, but I'll leave you with my favorite quote:

I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life— and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do. —Georgia O'Keeffe

Luck and love-- I am always here with brutal honesty if you have any questions.

-Hannah

---

Like that?  Check these: 

BLOG

Oh Snap, What Have I Done #wordlesswednesday

about 4 months ago

Passive Income like a Mother*ucker

about 4 months ago

The Hustle. (I'm a Hustler, Baby. I Just Want You to Know)

about 6 months ago

Bringing Home Life & Light

On August 23rd at 2:15 in the morning my son was born. 

After nine months of pregnancy and 36 hours of unmediated labor, my life took on new meaning once again.

And now none of us will ever be the same.  

We make choices and set our intentions.  We do the best we can in the moment.  And often we are blessed by surprises.

Welcome to this life Isaac Bright Garrison.  Your family and friends are here to receive you with open arms. Teach us what you will.

Crack (AKA Heirloom Tomatoes) & Genetics – What I Got From My Mom

They say addictive tendencies are passed down through families.  Booze, smoking, drugs, pills, meth.  Tomatoes?  Do those count?  Also passed along is the normal genetic crap – like hair color, eye color, breast size and weird toes, etc.  And then there is nurture which molds and shapes us.

From my mother I've inherited a few things:

• A severe addition to buying all the heirloom tomatoes that I can get my hands on during the last two weeks of August in the Northeast.  Seriously, folks today I spent OVER $60 on tomatoes.  And that is just ONE DAY of tomato buying.  I will eat them all.  Well, my mother is visiting, so she will help.  And my daughter (be it by nature or nurture) has also inherited this severe addiction. 
• I did not inherit my mother's blond hair, bad teeth, aversion to conflict or affinity to beer.
• I did inherit her big boobs, long legs, green eyes, and lack of verbal filter. 

All in all, I think I've done pretty well.  And if my daughter's worst addiction continues to be tomatoes, I think we will all get big pats on the back.

How to Prepare an Heirloom Tomato for Proper Consumption

1. Never, ever, ever, ever put that tomato near the fridge. 
2. Have a good, sharp knife.  And slice that ugly/beauty in thick rounds.
3. Sprinkle with good salt, preferably course, preferably sea salt.
4. Let sit for about an hour. 
5. Eat. 

So Lost the Damn Smoothie Blog Post and Then I Lost My Shit.

I suppose there are people in the world who go to sleep at night and then wake up the next morning.  That hasn't happened for me in over three years.  I was up last night (googling smoothie recipes with almond milk frozen in ice cube trays) and thinking about what this might do to my brain, this lack of sleep. 

So I got up.  And I wrote a WHOLE LONG BLOG POST about my favorite smoothies, with tips and techniques and tricks and it was so clear and awesome and then I hit the FUCKING DELETE button like an idiot. 

So, in former days I might do something like throw my computer.  But these days a I am a whole lot more in tune to the fact that the universe is whispering to me: Girl, get the eff of the computer and go live your life.   So I walked away and took some time away and come back to you now with two DOPE smoothie recipes that I have perfected in the times spent living my life OFF the computer.

Bomb Ass Not-So-Fruity Smoothie

This one will fill you up.  I swear by it when I won't get to eat for an hour (yes, I eat almost every hour.)  Also, my daughter loves it, she says it is "better than the blue one." 

1. Throw coconut flakes in any milk (almond, cow, soy). I just put it in the bottom of the blender. Add a bit of vanilla or almond extract and some cinnamon.  Then, let it sit for a bit.  I sue this time to unload the dishwasher, wipe some surfaces, make cereal for my daughter or something like that.  Efficiency, folks!
2. Then I add two whole frozen bananas (I freeze mine quartered, cut once the long way and once the short way) .  Then a heaping tablespoon of peanut butter and a bunch of plain greek yogurt.  Then a few cubes of ice and blend away!
3. Yum. 

Crunchy Fruit Smoothie

This is a pretty basic milk and fruit based smoothie.  But I decided to include it because it is a fun baseline to work with and has a couple of sweet tricks.  I think I have talked quite a bit about being a fruit hoarder, so this means I always have an ample supply of frozen fruits and as everyone knows, frozen fruit an awesome smoothie doth make.

1. Start with any milk in the bottom of a blender.  I know, I know, I am getting repetitive here, I obviously like this step.  Throw in some chia seeds (google if you don't know of what I speak).  I also like coconut flakes in here...but I just like coconut in general in the summer as it reminds me of the tropics and sunscreen.
2. Add a lot of frozen blueberries and peaches (mine I never have long enough to freeze) and greek yogurt (for protein, ya'll) and blend.  Some people choose to use a sweetener in this, depending on their fruits - If I do use something I use a spoonful of some kind of corn syrup free jelly or jam from the fridge.  Honey or agave are also fine, clearly, but I don't like agave and having a little kid has gotten me off honey.  I really like to put fresh raspberries or blackberries in this one too as it is one that makes a virtue of the drink that you must chew.

So, go make some smoothies and report back. 

 *it is fun to make jars of frozen fruit mixes and leave in your freezer.  Then dump them in to your blender in the AM and add right back to the same jar.  PRETTY THINGS!

Kindness (something bitches can also try)

I am kind of a bitch.  But I TRY to be a kind bitch.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  When I am pregnant or otherwise hormonal, it is even harder.

I curse a lot.  I am VERY bossy.  I am mostly right about everything, all the time. 

These are things I am striving for:

Humility, softness, receptiveness, humility.   Not being convinced that I am always right.  And just plain being nice.  Using a nice tone of voice.  Not getting exasperated. Being HUMBLE and not bratty.

If you have never, ever, ever, ever clicked on a link I posted, please consider reading This Article.  It is wonderful and will make you feel warm and fuzzy.  Kinda like this kid, who makes me feel warm and fuzzy. 

Homecoming - Mess on Display

I love coming home. 

I don't sleep.  I wander around and touch my stuff.  And wade thru dog fur.   

The mess doesn't bother me.  Piles seem exciting.  Inviting. I start thinking of new filing cabinets.  I want to order glass jars for my tea.  I wish my label maker did more fonts.

I take in small details.   The fat blueberries in my oatmeal.  Her blue eyes.

How can you approach something with freshnesss, with newness?   Can you do just a little today?

I Want to Sit My Ass in a Chair

I want help, I want company, I want to sit my ass in a chair.  Simultaneously, I want to move, I want to dig a sand castle, I want to walk really, really, really far into the fog, I want to have a mudslide and then a nap.  My friend's dad used to always sing to her, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." Is it true?  Do you get what you need?  I think, sometimes, we want something so badly, that it's the wanting that causes the distress. I'm not capable at bending the world to my will, it's a shame.  I can set my intentions, but I can't always get what I want.  So, what's the plan?   

This comes up for me, yes, of course.  But, I also see it come up for so many of my clients.  An unmet want can be an opportunity to clear up a lot of stuff and reorient ourselves.  If you find something you want and can't have (or at least don't know how to get there) here is a quick cheat sheet to make some progress out of it:

1) Identifying what it is that you want.  Sometimes it is not very simple.  Dig below the surface.  

Today I want to be taken care of.  I want to be nurtured. 

2) Try to figure out what is missing. What is the unmet need beneath your want?

What's missing is me taking care of myself.

3) Gift yourself something (mine idea here) that meets your unmet need.  Then check back in with your want and see how it is doing. 

I am making iced tea.  And scheduling a pedicure. 

To The Depths

Not a lot of things push me to anxiety recently.  I've been pretty slow & steady, breathing in, rushing along, skipping on the surface, diving to the depths and in general fine.

Today was such an amazing start to my time on Block Island.  My daughter woke up at 5:30 and I didn't mind.  We ate cereal with blueberries in the fog and walked the dogs on the beach.

Then I took an amazing morning nap from 8:30 - 10AM which really recharged me and made me feel wonderful.  We walked into town in the heat.  Sunscreen, water, hats, all without a hitch. 

The hitch came later.  My daughter threw the kind of tantrum where strangers on the street think you are beating your child and you were never so thankful that they were strapped into a stroller.  She was too hot, overtired, and crashing from her lollipop.

It's so hard for me when I feel powerless.  When there is nothing I can do to soothe my kid.  Nothing I can do to ease a trouble friend.  Nothing I can do to solve a client's problem.  

My take away from this:

Sometimes we just have to go through the shit.  Sometimes not only is there no fixing it - there is also no making it feel better.  There is just being there with the person and holding steady.  So that's where I am today.  Holding steady.  Flexible.  Riding the waves of emotion and just being there.  It's no infinite wisdom. It's no trick. It's just showing up & being present.  But I am not saying it is always easy.