Organizing - My Brain
I am telling you the truth when I say that somedays I wish I could hire myself. I spent the last two days wrestling with pregnancy hormones and trying to sort out my plan of attack. Guess what?
I am telling you the truth when I say that somedays I wish I could hire myself. I spent the last two days wrestling with pregnancy hormones and trying to sort out my plan of attack. Guess what?
I didn't get there yet. And that's okay. Or at least, that's what I'd tell you. So that's what I am telling myself. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Allow space for these feelings, allow things to be DIFFERENT. I am choosing to allow myself to be DIFFERENT then I perceive myself to "normally" be. I tend to be very clear when it comes to my (or your) plan of action. These last few days, I can see yours clearly, but not mine. Can I roll with that? Can I make lists and watch the rain and read Dr. Seuss to my daughter and do some laundry and ignore some dishes and make something with my hands? Can I give myself the chance to NOT BE ORGANIZED OR EFFICIENT?
I'd like to try to let these feelings just float around and not attach to them. Not to struggle against the flow. Not to try to understand the WHY of it all. I'm gonna give it a shot and just keep repeating these words: Allow, alllow, allow. Don't judge, don't justify. Allow, allow, allow.
How do you adapt when you are not feeling like yourself?
Do you use inspiration? THIS print about songbirds and roots inspires me.
I Needed a Little Inspiration (& another GIVEAWAY)
I know I am not the only one, right? Right?
The one who lags during some weird eclipse. Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time. Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)
I know I am not the only one, right? Right?
The one who lags during some weird eclipse. Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time. Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)
I know you lurk out there with your off days too. It's not a secret you can keep from me. Nor one that I want to keep from you! I created these prints to help me through times that I needed a reminder (can you tell I really like reminders) of something or other. A little inspiration and a few deep breaths helps me. it helps me a lot. So I wanted to share with you.
I now offer for sale a set of five 4"x4" prints for $4.95 or, you can get a dozen for $9.95.
Check them out HERE.
Comment below with which one is your favorite. Next Friday I'll mail a few out to some lucky winners. Share for an additional entry.
Facebook: The New Achievement Calibrator
I wrote this years ago when Facebook was first catching on. As I delve into curriculum for an e-course on social media I have been thinking a lot about this type of networked sharing. It's also great fun to see where I was coming from then and how I have changed. But that's a story for a different day...
Who’s fat and who’s hot, who’s married and who’s not?
first joined Facebook about a month ago. Yeah, I had My Space and Linked In already. To be honest, I didn’t even open the account—my assistant did....
I wrote this years ago when Facebook was first catching on. As I delve into curriculum for an e-course on social media I have been thinking a lot about this type of networked sharing. It's also great fun to see where I was coming from then and how I have changed. But that's a story for a different day...
Who’s fat and who’s hot, who’s married and who’s not?
I first joined Facebook about a month ago. Yeah, I hadMy Space and Linked In already. To be honest, I didn’t even open the account—my assistant did. However, I was doing a little Google research on the current owners of an 1879 building I’m trying to buy (speakeasy and bank vault in the basement!), and one of them showed up on Facebook. Without being logged in, I couldn’t access her information. So I got the login info, wrote a stalker-esq E-note to the seller, and then got suckered into the friend search. I now have 101 friends on Facebook.
Since my impromptu login, I have spent the better part of multiple conference calls finding and adding friends from my elementary, camp, high school, college and business years. I’ve been escaping from the adulthood of property purchase by judging their photos and their college diplomas, seeing who’s fat and who’s hot, who’s married and who’s not and what they have been doing for the last (fill-in-the-blank) years.
I spent the better part of one morning recently on the phone with a childhood friend. Yes, she is my friend on Facebook, but the rest of our relationship exists in the real world, where she caught the bouquet at my wedding and then dumped the guy she brought. Today, though, worlds collided. I gave her my password so that she could see my “friends” who are our mutual past. Our heartthrob at ten is now fat, the geek is hot and successful. The story’s the same as it was at in-person reunions of a prior era. But now, in lieu of semi-annual dinners scheduled by board members, we just go to Facebook during business hours and click around to see who’s had kids, who really became a lesbian, and how much more successful than ourselves everyone else has become. It is the ultimate vain test of own identities. A virtual life-progress measuring board. From Apgar to IQ to SAT scores, Facebook’s the new achievement calibrator.
“I should have been married by now,” she whines. “Or gone to Nicaragua and lived with villagers like you did.”
It was Mexico, not Nicaragua, but I feel the same way—depressed about my own life when compared to the happy Facebook lives of people I used to know. At the beginning, Facebook is confusing, then addictive, then depressing. It’s the status updates and the mini-bios and the heavily edited photos. Maya now lives in New Zealand with her boyfriend and they seem to travel all the time, and smile. There is Nora, with three kids, married eight years, and still finds time for grad school. My ex-boyfriend is teaching in Taiwan with his girlfriend after traveling around South America. Law school for some, med school for more, swimming with dolphins, playing music, green building certifications, parties, adventures, etc.
I look at all these people with whom I’ve shared moments at different times of my life and I wonder, are they better, smarter, prettier, more accomplished? I question my life and my choices. Have they hit more milestones? Did I travel to enough countries? Should I have gone to med school?
It really comes down to happiness. I want to know if they are happier than me. And Facebook messes with that. It makes me a happiness voyeur. Spying openly and even commenting on the things that they feel compelled to share. In real life, in true interaction, we can see worry lines on peoples faces and the circles under their eyes. Facebook deletes this and leaves us with a resume —updated daily—of accomplishments. So we compare. Now, I am questioning my own life, my happiness and my identity because of what I see on Facebook. And I am not alone.
On my profile I am wearing a bikini and standing on the Emerald coast, I am a summa cum laude graduate of Columbia University, I am the CEO of two companies and married to an amazing photographer. But on the inside, I’m just a kid looking to measure up. And a kid who’s glad she didn’t have to grow up with Facebook.
Think about this:
*how do you appear on social media?
*how do you want to appear?
Waiting
With my first pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes. Despite no indicators for it in my medical history, I failed all the tests and ended up eating a very strict diet and taking my blood 4 times per day for just under half of my pregnancy. Luckily, my daughter was fine, and I had no residual complications...
“Waiting is the hardest part...You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.”
With my first pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes. Despite no indicators for it in my medical history, I failed all the tests and ended up eating a very strict diet and taking my blood 4 times per day for just under half of my pregnancy. Luckily, my daughter was fine, and I had no residual complications.
Well, I am pregnant again. And the chances of having gestational diabetes in a subsequent pregnancy is high, something like 85%. So, this time around I've had to test for it twice. And I've had to wait for the results, twice. Man, waiting is uncomfortable for me. My last test was yesterday and I waited all day today for my doctor to call. I want to define what I felt when I say "waiting." I certainly didn't sit by the phone (the phone sat by me though). I kept busy (not too hard with a toddler and a few businesses to run). But, there was always that thought about the results circling in my mind. And that's what I mean by waiting. I mean my whole brain isn't present that some part of my thoughts are awaiting some future moment, and it is distracting to say the least.
I find myself waiting a lot. Waiting for software to upload, waiting for my daughter to fall asleep, waiting in line doing errands, waiting for the response to an email, waiting for bedtime when I can finish a good book, waiting for my husband to come back from a shoot, waiting, waiting, waiting. Not being wholly present. So my question started off like this: How do I get rid of the waiting feeling? And then I thought, "Well, the waiting feeling isn't the issue, it is the thoughts that go along with waiting: the what ifs, the future plans, the leaning away from the preset." So, my discovery was to try to just be with the waiting, not to work on it, or through it, or get rid of it or anything. But just to be with it.
And guess what? I beat the odds and I don't have gestational diabetes this pregnancy! I am thrilled (or as thrilled as I can be at six months pregnant on a 90 degree day.) But though my appreciation of the fact that I can eat ice cream this summer is great, what is greater to me is this lesson about being with something instead of thinking about it.
So, I was waiting for test results, and it was uncomfortable. And that's that. I didn't have to circle though the possible outcomes and resulting questions an necessary actions. All of that thinking was an ineffective use of my brain power. All I really had to do was wait, and be with the waiting. Did it change the outcome? No, of course not. But it did change mg experience.
Are you willing to try?
Start simple: Next time you are in line somewhere, or waiting for something or someone, try to focus just on the feeling of waiting. Don't think about what is next, or where you could be, or what else you might be doing. Just be with the waiting and know that it is okay.
Speed / Pace / Time & Breath
I work fast. So fast, so well, so effortlessly. But only SOMETIMES. Those times I am in what I (and others) call: THE ZONE.
One trick about FAST TIME is you have to balance it with SLOW TIME. You just can't move fast all of the time. And so many people ask me how I get done all that I get done. The trick is the balance with SLOW TIME. Productive fast time is only as good as your slow time...
I work fast. So fast, so well, so effortlessly. But only SOMETIMES. Those times I am in what I (and others) call: THE ZONE.
One trick about FAST TIME is you have to balance it with SLOW TIME. You just can't move fast all of the time. And so many people ask me how I get done all that I get done. The trick is the balance with SLOW TIME. Productive fast time is only as good as your slow time.
Want to learn to practice some slow time? Here are a two simple starting steps:
STEP ONE: Notice what you are doing. While you are eating are you eating only? Or are you multitasking? If you are multitasking, that's fine, we are not judging, just noticing. When you are in the shower, are you cleaning your body or are you also reviewing some conversation you had earlier?
STEP TWO: Begin to practice some single tasking. Do ONE thing at a time and allow your body and mind to change rhythms. Today when I wrote this post, I closed all other computer windows, turned off my phone, and just. simply. wrote.
What will you do to single task today? Even for a moment, it counts. Practice slow time and feel the change of pace.
Some good thoughts on productivity HERE.
Diversification of Income Streams
I talk to my clients a lot about diversifying their income streams. It's like not putting all your eggs in one basket. And when you are self employed (or investing) it's pretty important.
Yes, I believe that if you are a designer you can be successful at doing JUST that, ONLY that. But, in the interest of your mental health (ie sanity), I strongly suggest you have some different revenue streams that you can put your feet up on during the leaner months.
I talk to my clients a lot about diversifying their income streams. It's like not putting all your eggs in one basket. And when you are self employed (or investing) it's pretty important.
Yes, I believe that if you are a designer you can be successful at doing JUST that, ONLY that. But, in the interest of your mental health (ie sanity), I strongly suggest you have some different revenue streams that you can put your feet up on during the leaner months.
For those lucky self employed, married folks with a spouse who is employed by someone OUTSIDE the family (not me, it is true) they have a bit of a buffer from the ebbs and flows of income.
I have a bunch of different income streams I rely upon. Not only does that make me feel more secure financially, but it makes me more interested in what I am doing. I can switch gears when I am stuck.
How are you financially flexible? What can you do to be MORE SO?
On Powerlessnes
My two year old daughter took a header, forehead first, into metal bleachers at full speed. We were on Block Island, where there is no hospital and the mainland is an hour boat ride or a fifteen minute plane flight away. Time stood still as I carried her across the field to the EMT who had run to get his go bag.
I barely noticed my surroundings. My daughter, hours later, is fine. She's her normal chipper self, with a smaller-than-expected lump over her left eye.
My two year old daughter took a header, forehead first, into metal bleachers at full speed. We were on Block Island, where there is no hospital and the mainland is an hour boat ride or a fifteen minute plane flight away. Time stood still as I carried her across the field to the EMT who had run to get his go bag.
I barely noticed my surroundings. My daughter, hours later, is fine. She's her normal chipper self, with a smaller-than-expected lump over her left eye.
I am awash with powerlessness. The whole episode, a reminder for me that powerlessness is the truth at the bottom of it all. That we never have control, that we are always powerless. It's humbling. I pretty much suck at it (it being the acceptance of powerless ness), but I am getting better. These somewhat, could-be, tragic moments are slap-in-the-face teachers. But it doesn't always have to be so harsh a lesson.
Here is my focus for the next few days: Powerlessness in micro doses. Practical practices.
I am going to try a few practices this week. They cross back and forth between personal / business /time management strategies, so they can really be used by anyone, and adapted to different things.
1) Taking a step back as a parent. Trusting others to watch my most precious of belonging. It's makes me feel out of control, a little bit untethered. Sitting with this little feeling of powerlessness, not avoiding it, just being with it, is my first practice.
2) Not checking my email until after breakfast. Just typing this makes me feel a little anxious. I generally check my email first thing after opening my eyes. Though it feels really good in some ways, it starts my days too early. So, I am going to sit there in the morning and be a little bit powerless, let the world go on around me, without me, until after I eat breakfast. I don't so much intend for this to last, because I believe that in general, checking my email first thing DOES work for me. But since I need a bit of powerlessness practice, this is one really good place for me to go for a while.
3) Creating a letting go mindfulness meditation practice. I have been working on writing and recording a short meditation on letting go and I know this is the time I need to really press forward. It is called practice because we need to keep at it, keep doing it, keep letting go, letting go, letting go. Soon you'll be able to practice along with me. (For now if you want to start with a little practice, you can download the Awareness of Beginning, which is a three minute download that you can purchase here.)
What will you try?
I Love THIS About My Schedule
Some weekday mornings I get to do this.
And it is AWESOME. Awe inspiring. Awwww. Awwww Yeah.
(I am not mentioning, right now, the nights I spend cranking away or the holidays I've given up for work's demands.)
Because I make my own schedule I get to do a lot of things that I want to do. This includes going for beach walks with my family, mid-morning, on a weekday. Also, going to the bank during bank hours, yes! And shopping when no one else is in the store, alright!
Some weekday mornings I get to do this.
And it is AWESOME. Awe inspiring. Awwww. Awwww Yeah.
(I am not mentioning, right now, the nights I spend cranking away or the holidays I've given up for work's demands.)
Because I make my own schedule I get to do a lot of things that I want to do. This includes going for beach walks with my family, mid-morning, on a weekday. Also, going to the bank during bank hours, yes! And shopping when no one else is in the store, alright!
Sometimes in the grind, beneath the wheels that churn, I lose sight of this incredible scheduling ability. In a word, FREEDOM. It's one of the reason I love my consulting business. Because I adore helping people craft a life that supports them AND simultaneously allows them to shape their dreams, daily. I ask my clients when I first speak with them, "What do you want to do when you get up in the morning?"
So TODAY, here is what I want you to do. Be you self-employed, 9-5, overnighter, stay at home mom, student, ALL OF YOU. Take one minute and reflect on one point of FREEDOM that your schedule allows.
Now nudge some other stuff out of the way and create more space for it. Make wiggle room. Stretch the boundaries. This is it folks, today's the day.
So I made this bracelet - GIVEAWAY!
I have trouble wearing many metals. Since jewelry design is one of the many hats I wear, this is one of those those life irony things. I have been feeling recently like I need some positive adornment and some super-reminder of grounding. So I sat down with some of my favorite stones and some soft, soft, soft natural deerskin leather.
I have trouble wearing many metals. Since jewelry design is one of the many hats I wear, this is one of those those life irony things. I have been feeling recently like I need some positive adornment and some super-reminder of grounding. So I sat down with some of my favorite stones and some soft, soft, soft natural deerskin leather. I made a wrap bracelet that I absolutely love. I wore it for a few days, then I made some more. Each one is slightly different, and I made three sizes.
I love them so much that I want to offer them to you. You can buy them HERE, but in the meantime I want give one away! I will choose the winner on Tuesday, March 21st.
Just comment below or share this giveaway post on FB and I will pick someone to send one to!
Dig this? Check these:
I Give You Permission
Standing in the mall, in the stupid mall, hands sweating, blood rushing. "I just can't," I thought.
I am pretty sure that this sometimes happens to you too, maybe not in the mall, but somewhere, you crash.
I have a recommendation for you on those days. And I am trying to listen to it for myself as well.
Don't push so hard. Give yourself permission.
Standing in the mall, in the stupid mall, hands sweating, blood rushing. "I just can't," I thought.
I am pretty sure that this sometimes happens to you too, maybe not in the mall, but somewhere, you crash.
I have a recommendation for you on those days. And I am trying to listen to it for myself as well.
Don't push so hard. Give yourself permission.
Why is this so hard to be okay with? Why can't I just step back and breathe? Why can't I take my own advice? Well, it's because I so often equate my own sense of self worth with what I can accomplish. I know this to be a pitfall for very many self-employed and very driven people. And the solution is two-fold: 1) PRIDE and 2) PRACTICE.
We are raised and rewarded in a society that gives feedback for effort. Most of us have never heard "great job taking care of yourself today." Rather we get gold stars and A's in school and praise from bosses or co-workers for a job well done. So what happens when you are the boss? Who gives you that feedback you were so acclimatized to? Who decides how much homework is too much? Who decides when you are pushing too hard?
There are so many benefits to being self-employed. But one of the biggest drawbacks is the LACK of feedback and the sense of unending RESPONSIBILITY to be driven.
I practice my own two-fold solution:
- PRIDE- I will take a deep breath and have pride in what I do, overall. I will take another deep breath and pat myself on the back and realize, every moment doesn't have to be 100% for me to be doing a good job. I will walk out of the mall.
- PRACTICE- I will practice not pushing so hard. I will breath and practice being and breath again and practice again. One foot in front of the other.