Two Cleaning Tips for Instant Self Care

When I came home from the hospital with my first baby, Camilla, I rested for a bit, then hopped right back into my type A shoes and rush forth for a busy three months of holiday shipping in the retail industry.  See these pictures?  The pack'n'play IN MY STUDIO.  Permanent baby strapped to my chest.  It worked. I was happy and I felt good.  Still, I don't want to repeat it this time.  I want slower time, I want down time, quiet time, bonding time.  And it's up to me to carve that out. 

Really, what that means, is it is always up to each and every one of us to carve out our own DOWN TIME.  No one will force us to care for ourselves.  And for the self employed, and the type A's, and the working moms - well, let's just say this might not be our number one skill by nature, we have to work to nurture it.  There are a lot of pieces to the self care puzzle.  But today I am going to pick ONE concrete area where I can do a little practical work to pave the way of self care for the next few months:

Cleaning up a few little special "me" spaces to promote EASE and INSPIRATION.

• I like a clean desk. So when I move into my workspace, only work awaits me and I can jump right in.  If there is clutter in my work space I find working is harder.  Wait a second - aren't we talking about self care.   Darn work, always sneaking in :) But in truth, work is a part of our self, so any care we take there nurtures us as well. Go, clean your desk.

• Clean thing number two. I am on a roll here!  Another thing I like to have de-cluttered is my bedside table.  With a house full of dogs and kids and projects I just want to see something clear and relaxing and inspiring when I first awake.  Right now, it's not looking so good. My draw has become a catch all, there are cords and wires all tangled, a bunch of used tissues, and not ONE item of inspiration.  Okay, this is it.  I've got to move on this one today and get my morning shrine on.  I am thinking: Clean it up! Add art, a quote or two for inspiration, a nice coaster for my water glass, a drawer separator, small journal with a nice pen, a good book (quotes maybe), a new Chapstick.  What else?  

Here are a few shots form my desk area that make me smile: 

Kindness (something bitches can also try)

I am kind of a bitch.  But I TRY to be a kind bitch.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  When I am pregnant or otherwise hormonal, it is even harder.

I curse a lot.  I am VERY bossy.  I am mostly right about everything, all the time. 

These are things I am striving for:

Humility, softness, receptiveness, humility.   Not being convinced that I am always right.  And just plain being nice.  Using a nice tone of voice.  Not getting exasperated. Being HUMBLE and not bratty.

If you have never, ever, ever, ever clicked on a link I posted, please consider reading This Article.  It is wonderful and will make you feel warm and fuzzy.  Kinda like this kid, who makes me feel warm and fuzzy. 

Homecoming - Mess on Display

I love coming home. 

I don't sleep.  I wander around and touch my stuff.  And wade thru dog fur.   

The mess doesn't bother me.  Piles seem exciting.  Inviting. I start thinking of new filing cabinets.  I want to order glass jars for my tea.  I wish my label maker did more fonts.

I take in small details.   The fat blueberries in my oatmeal.  Her blue eyes.

How can you approach something with freshnesss, with newness?   Can you do just a little today?

Three Easy Ways to Boost Your Confidence Starting Today

I've been hearing a lot about confidence from a lot of different people.  I've got it about 80% of the time, I'd say.  I am lucky, but it also takes work.  Self doubt creeps in through old patterns.  Here are some simple (thought not always easy) things that you can do for a little confidence booster. 

1) Do One Special Thing For Yourself.

Treat Yourself. The bottom line is: You Deserve It.  No matter what, the essential nature of you a being is deserving  of honor.  Do something to honor yourself today.  Take a five minute walk and smell a flower.  Use a favorite cup for a glass of ice water- and take the time to slice a piece of fruit to put in it.  (I like the citrus cucumber one HERE.)  Book an appointment for a massage.  Whatever makes you know that you are unique and important and deserve special treatment.  Last night I got into bed at 8:30 with my computer, a big glass of ice water and a window fan.  What a treat to allow myself this early bedtime luxury!

2) Do One Thing You Don't Want To Do.

Have you heard of the concept of mastery? Mastering a task that is challenging for us, or that we don't want to do, sets off a biochemical chain reaction that bathes our brain in feel good hormones.  Mastering small tasks has been show to lower cortisol (a stress hormone) levels.  Thereby also reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression.  It is a technique used often in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Training), but is a skill that can help anyone build confidence. 

3) Do One Thing For Someone Else

Saints everywhere know it.  Helping others makes us feel good.  And it causes a chain reaction of goodness across the land.  Pick up a postcard and sent a quick note to someone.  Donate to a charity, Kickstarter or Go Fund Me campaign.  Help someone reach something in the grocery store.  Do a chore that you know someone dislikes.  There are a multitude of tiny things that will help spread the love and make the world a better place.  It is even a business technique.  I visited with someone today who I really didn't want to see.  But it made them feel good.  I even let them touch my belly!

Feel better yet? We all need a confidence boost once in a while.  Try incorporating some of these thing into your life with increasing frequency and notice the shift in yourself.

Knowing When To Say When

Knowing to say... This is not a blog day.  It is 91 degrees and I am a lot, very much, pregnant.  Knowing to say, it's okay, I need to do what I need to do.

What do you need today?  Can you breathe and and give yourself at least a little of what you need?

Listening versus Hearing (or, why my house is so sandy)

I am out here on the island, eight months pregnant and on my own with a toddler and two dogs.  The dogs have been walked daily, the kid is happy and fed and lathered with sunscreen.  I've cooked all the meals and done all the dishes sans dishwasher. I feel pretty damn swell about it all.  I've even been rocking a bikini.

I am living in my dad's old house, that I grew up in, but that he no longer lives in, but his girlfriend (one of my half brother's mothers), has fixed up beautifully.   You got that?  One day I'll try to draw a family tree...(currently I keep the info HERE.)  The thing is, it has been rainy and sand seems to stick to rain.  To the dogs, to my clothes, to the kid's shoes.  And also, it is hot, which, means dogs shed.  So, the house has a slight issue with dog fur and sand that I haven't quite gotten to.

My stepmom cleans houses on Saturdays in the summer for rental turnovers.  And before her full day of work offered to come over, and clean my/her house.  She phrased it as a gesture of love, not judgement.  Isn't that sweet?

How do you offer to do something for someone, as a kindness, without seeming like you are judging their ability?

Check out the colors of the house, amazing, no?  Maybe you should have her come do your color palette for your house! Oh, and speaking of colors.  My friend of almost 20 years is giving away some of her luscious yarn, hand-dyed in Alaska, along with some other goodies. Check it out and enter HERE - it is FREE! (She also wrote soem really nice things about me HERE, gloat.)

I Want to Sit My Ass in a Chair

I want help, I want company, I want to sit my ass in a chair.  Simultaneously, I want to move, I want to dig a sand castle, I want to walk really, really, really far into the fog, I want to have a mudslide and then a nap.  My friend's dad used to always sing to her, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." Is it true?  Do you get what you need?  I think, sometimes, we want something so badly, that it's the wanting that causes the distress. I'm not capable at bending the world to my will, it's a shame.  I can set my intentions, but I can't always get what I want.  So, what's the plan?   

This comes up for me, yes, of course.  But, I also see it come up for so many of my clients.  An unmet want can be an opportunity to clear up a lot of stuff and reorient ourselves.  If you find something you want and can't have (or at least don't know how to get there) here is a quick cheat sheet to make some progress out of it:

1) Identifying what it is that you want.  Sometimes it is not very simple.  Dig below the surface.  

Today I want to be taken care of.  I want to be nurtured. 

2) Try to figure out what is missing. What is the unmet need beneath your want?

What's missing is me taking care of myself.

3) Gift yourself something (mine idea here) that meets your unmet need.  Then check back in with your want and see how it is doing. 

I am making iced tea.  And scheduling a pedicure. 

To The Depths

Not a lot of things push me to anxiety recently.  I've been pretty slow & steady, breathing in, rushing along, skipping on the surface, diving to the depths and in general fine.

Today was such an amazing start to my time on Block Island.  My daughter woke up at 5:30 and I didn't mind.  We ate cereal with blueberries in the fog and walked the dogs on the beach.

Then I took an amazing morning nap from 8:30 - 10AM which really recharged me and made me feel wonderful.  We walked into town in the heat.  Sunscreen, water, hats, all without a hitch. 

The hitch came later.  My daughter threw the kind of tantrum where strangers on the street think you are beating your child and you were never so thankful that they were strapped into a stroller.  She was too hot, overtired, and crashing from her lollipop.

It's so hard for me when I feel powerless.  When there is nothing I can do to soothe my kid.  Nothing I can do to ease a trouble friend.  Nothing I can do to solve a client's problem.  

My take away from this:

Sometimes we just have to go through the shit.  Sometimes not only is there no fixing it - there is also no making it feel better.  There is just being there with the person and holding steady.  So that's where I am today.  Holding steady.  Flexible.  Riding the waves of emotion and just being there.  It's no infinite wisdom. It's no trick. It's just showing up & being present.  But I am not saying it is always easy.

Butterflies Abound - Transitions

So tomorrow I leave for three weeks with my toddler and two dogs to head to the beach and work remotely.  It is a wonderful luxury of my job, my self-employment status.  At the same time, it makes me crazy.  Eight months pregnant, no AC, no dishwasher, lots of sand - oh, and did I mention it is an island?  My darling husband will be away making money (which we totally need).  I have yuppie problems, and I know it.  (release guilt here)

I am preparing by purchasing my first beach chair, and I already bought some light magazine reading.  Oprah is teaching me more simple stress relief and Home and Garden suggests freezing and canning techniques for fruits. 

I am bringing lots of heavy books (like this one and this one) that I don't plan on getting to.

Transitions are always a challenge for me, and yet my life seems full of them.  I say "BRING IT!  Lots of room for practicing the skills of adaptation that I preach!"  The monarch transitions so naturally, so today, it is my inspiration.  I am off to Mexico in my mind.  

Won't you JOIN ME in exploring how to step back, bend to the seasons, and learn what you can?

Thing One and Thing Two

I feel like I cannot do anything today except talk about:

1. Craigslist and the absoulutly wonderful blog that I have been devouring.  Seriously, this woman is a brilliant writer and super funny, and since my building was build in 1890 I TOTALLY understand.  Oh, and did I mention that I have a call with the architect this AM who is designing our NEW HOUSE?  I guess I didn't, and come to think of it, did ya'll even know I am building a house?  (Yeah, while having a 2nd baby and running a few businesses.)
2. Self expression via clothing. Seriously.  I first learned about this via Madonna, my idol from age 3 to...oh...now. And now I am learning about it from my 2 year old.  Roll back everything I knew and dress from the basics of fabulousness.  See these again fashionistas and their amazing style HERE. 

So, that's what's on my mind today. I guess I'll go get dressed and and browse Craigslist now.  Please send any good finds or great outfits to me directly.  Or pin to Pinterest, I'll meet you there.