Three Easy Ways to Boost Your Confidence Starting Today

I've been hearing a lot about confidence from a lot of different people.  I've got it about 80% of the time, I'd say.  I am lucky, but it also takes work.  Self doubt creeps in through old patterns.  Here are some simple (thought not always easy) things that you can do for a little confidence booster. 

1) Do One Special Thing For Yourself.

Treat Yourself. The bottom line is: You Deserve It.  No matter what, the essential nature of you a being is deserving  of honor.  Do something to honor yourself today.  Take a five minute walk and smell a flower.  Use a favorite cup for a glass of ice water- and take the time to slice a piece of fruit to put in it.  (I like the citrus cucumber one HERE.)  Book an appointment for a massage.  Whatever makes you know that you are unique and important and deserve special treatment.  Last night I got into bed at 8:30 with my computer, a big glass of ice water and a window fan.  What a treat to allow myself this early bedtime luxury!

2) Do One Thing You Don't Want To Do.

Have you heard of the concept of mastery? Mastering a task that is challenging for us, or that we don't want to do, sets off a biochemical chain reaction that bathes our brain in feel good hormones.  Mastering small tasks has been show to lower cortisol (a stress hormone) levels.  Thereby also reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression.  It is a technique used often in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Training), but is a skill that can help anyone build confidence. 

3) Do One Thing For Someone Else

Saints everywhere know it.  Helping others makes us feel good.  And it causes a chain reaction of goodness across the land.  Pick up a postcard and sent a quick note to someone.  Donate to a charity, Kickstarter or Go Fund Me campaign.  Help someone reach something in the grocery store.  Do a chore that you know someone dislikes.  There are a multitude of tiny things that will help spread the love and make the world a better place.  It is even a business technique.  I visited with someone today who I really didn't want to see.  But it made them feel good.  I even let them touch my belly!

Feel better yet? We all need a confidence boost once in a while.  Try incorporating some of these thing into your life with increasing frequency and notice the shift in yourself.

Knowing When To Say When

Knowing to say... This is not a blog day.  It is 91 degrees and I am a lot, very much, pregnant.  Knowing to say, it's okay, I need to do what I need to do.

What do you need today?  Can you breathe and and give yourself at least a little of what you need?

Listening versus Hearing (or, why my house is so sandy)

I am out here on the island, eight months pregnant and on my own with a toddler and two dogs.  The dogs have been walked daily, the kid is happy and fed and lathered with sunscreen.  I've cooked all the meals and done all the dishes sans dishwasher. I feel pretty damn swell about it all.  I've even been rocking a bikini.

I am living in my dad's old house, that I grew up in, but that he no longer lives in, but his girlfriend (one of my half brother's mothers), has fixed up beautifully.   You got that?  One day I'll try to draw a family tree...(currently I keep the info HERE.)  The thing is, it has been rainy and sand seems to stick to rain.  To the dogs, to my clothes, to the kid's shoes.  And also, it is hot, which, means dogs shed.  So, the house has a slight issue with dog fur and sand that I haven't quite gotten to.

My stepmom cleans houses on Saturdays in the summer for rental turnovers.  And before her full day of work offered to come over, and clean my/her house.  She phrased it as a gesture of love, not judgement.  Isn't that sweet?

How do you offer to do something for someone, as a kindness, without seeming like you are judging their ability?

Check out the colors of the house, amazing, no?  Maybe you should have her come do your color palette for your house! Oh, and speaking of colors.  My friend of almost 20 years is giving away some of her luscious yarn, hand-dyed in Alaska, along with some other goodies. Check it out and enter HERE - it is FREE! (She also wrote soem really nice things about me HERE, gloat.)

I Want to Sit My Ass in a Chair

I want help, I want company, I want to sit my ass in a chair.  Simultaneously, I want to move, I want to dig a sand castle, I want to walk really, really, really far into the fog, I want to have a mudslide and then a nap.  My friend's dad used to always sing to her, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." Is it true?  Do you get what you need?  I think, sometimes, we want something so badly, that it's the wanting that causes the distress. I'm not capable at bending the world to my will, it's a shame.  I can set my intentions, but I can't always get what I want.  So, what's the plan?   

This comes up for me, yes, of course.  But, I also see it come up for so many of my clients.  An unmet want can be an opportunity to clear up a lot of stuff and reorient ourselves.  If you find something you want and can't have (or at least don't know how to get there) here is a quick cheat sheet to make some progress out of it:

1) Identifying what it is that you want.  Sometimes it is not very simple.  Dig below the surface.  

Today I want to be taken care of.  I want to be nurtured. 

2) Try to figure out what is missing. What is the unmet need beneath your want?

What's missing is me taking care of myself.

3) Gift yourself something (mine idea here) that meets your unmet need.  Then check back in with your want and see how it is doing. 

I am making iced tea.  And scheduling a pedicure. 

To The Depths

Not a lot of things push me to anxiety recently.  I've been pretty slow & steady, breathing in, rushing along, skipping on the surface, diving to the depths and in general fine.

Today was such an amazing start to my time on Block Island.  My daughter woke up at 5:30 and I didn't mind.  We ate cereal with blueberries in the fog and walked the dogs on the beach.

Then I took an amazing morning nap from 8:30 - 10AM which really recharged me and made me feel wonderful.  We walked into town in the heat.  Sunscreen, water, hats, all without a hitch. 

The hitch came later.  My daughter threw the kind of tantrum where strangers on the street think you are beating your child and you were never so thankful that they were strapped into a stroller.  She was too hot, overtired, and crashing from her lollipop.

It's so hard for me when I feel powerless.  When there is nothing I can do to soothe my kid.  Nothing I can do to ease a trouble friend.  Nothing I can do to solve a client's problem.  

My take away from this:

Sometimes we just have to go through the shit.  Sometimes not only is there no fixing it - there is also no making it feel better.  There is just being there with the person and holding steady.  So that's where I am today.  Holding steady.  Flexible.  Riding the waves of emotion and just being there.  It's no infinite wisdom. It's no trick. It's just showing up & being present.  But I am not saying it is always easy.

Butterflies Abound - Transitions

So tomorrow I leave for three weeks with my toddler and two dogs to head to the beach and work remotely.  It is a wonderful luxury of my job, my self-employment status.  At the same time, it makes me crazy.  Eight months pregnant, no AC, no dishwasher, lots of sand - oh, and did I mention it is an island?  My darling husband will be away making money (which we totally need).  I have yuppie problems, and I know it.  (release guilt here)

I am preparing by purchasing my first beach chair, and I already bought some light magazine reading.  Oprah is teaching me more simple stress relief and Home and Garden suggests freezing and canning techniques for fruits. 

I am bringing lots of heavy books (like this one and this one) that I don't plan on getting to.

Transitions are always a challenge for me, and yet my life seems full of them.  I say "BRING IT!  Lots of room for practicing the skills of adaptation that I preach!"  The monarch transitions so naturally, so today, it is my inspiration.  I am off to Mexico in my mind.  

Won't you JOIN ME in exploring how to step back, bend to the seasons, and learn what you can?

Thing One and Thing Two

I feel like I cannot do anything today except talk about:

1. Craigslist and the absoulutly wonderful blog that I have been devouring.  Seriously, this woman is a brilliant writer and super funny, and since my building was build in 1890 I TOTALLY understand.  Oh, and did I mention that I have a call with the architect this AM who is designing our NEW HOUSE?  I guess I didn't, and come to think of it, did ya'll even know I am building a house?  (Yeah, while having a 2nd baby and running a few businesses.)
2. Self expression via clothing. Seriously.  I first learned about this via Madonna, my idol from age 3 to...oh...now. And now I am learning about it from my 2 year old.  Roll back everything I knew and dress from the basics of fabulousness.  See these again fashionistas and their amazing style HERE. 

So, that's what's on my mind today. I guess I'll go get dressed and and browse Craigslist now.  Please send any good finds or great outfits to me directly.  Or pin to Pinterest, I'll meet you there.

Balance - A Lesson From Fruit

Mmm, my whole car and house smelled like fresh berries for days.  Every year I like to pick as much as I can of fresh blueberries, strawberries or blackberries and freeze them for the winter ahead.  See, I like winter, but I don't like the absence of food that tastes like food.  So, this is my solution.

The whole time we were picking (and beforehand) I was think a lot about the concept of preparedness.  The fine line between being a horder and having a well-stocked pantry.  Similarly, the line between getting all of your work done, but not being obsessive about completion.  

There is something to be said for having fresh berries and there is something to be said  for having a blank to do list. BUT, not ALWAYS.  Again, back to the concept of balance.

Right now I am getting to practice a lot of my balance skills.  I feel like I am rushing very fast to the finish line of this pregnancy, but still giving myself those reminders to live in the present moment and balance FAST with SLOW. 

How do you keep balance in your life?

It was HARD and it was GOOD

The time I spent with the organizer was both.  I wanted to cry a bit (luckily he had big shoulders to cry on).  And, my husband was there helping too (and he ALSO has big shoulders).   

Things I learned: 

1) People are different.  My husband, my assistant and I all were around for this and we were all immediately diagnosed as ADHA, OCD & pregnant, respectively.  Totally nailed it.  We all have such different styles of what to do with stuff and HOW to deal with it.

2) When everything from one closet is out on the floor in piles you will probably want to give up.  If you are really lucky and have someone there to help, they won't let you.

3) You might not finish in a day.  These projects can take some tweaking over time.  Be hopeful, but flexible. 

4) You have more shit than you ever thought possible. 

5) Trash day doesn't happen nearly as often as one might like. So, remember to plan in advance for the throwing stuff out portion of the process.  I didn't plan well enough for this.  So, a few days later we still have a section of crap to deal with...

6) Old paint smells really, really bad.

7) Drink a lot of water. 

THIS LINK:  DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS OF TIDY FAMILIES really reminded me that LESS STUFF is GOOD.

THIS LINK: MAKING SPACE CLEANSE  sounds like a great way to begin and set intentions for some serious process.

I Hired a Personal Organizer

My family and friends are laughing at me.  Usually, I am the one who organizes their spaces.  

"The organizer hires an organizer," my mom said.

I needed help.  Every time I looked in this closet I shut down.  I couldn't even do simple projects because just finding my glue was too damn hard.  Closet of excuses?  Closet of avoidance?  Closet of lost hope? 

He comes this morning for our first pass at it.  My first job was to define this space's function.  My goal is for this to be a supply closet for all of my rental spaces in this building.  I'd like to be able to do most building projects from this closet alone.  However, for now, while we still live IN the building, it also must hold some wood and raw materials that will eventually be gone... Dual purpose organization, if you will. 

Oh, and I'd also like to be able to actually walk into the closet. 

Here we go!  Stay tuned for more and think about your own spaces.  Can you define your goals for specific spaces?