Mama, Your Kids Need A Break From You
Dear Guilt-Ridden-Mama-Who-Loves-Her-Kids-And-Also-Puts-Them-In-Childcare:
It's okay. Your kids need a break from you too. They need to hear other people's thoughts, other people's wisdom, even, other people's criticisms.
They need to be able to cope with you walking out the door. They need to learn to trust you'll be back and to trust themselves knowing they'll be okay, even without you.
You need to learn that they will still love you best; even when you are not with them every moment.
You are their mama. And you always will be.
But please, mama, don't hold that sweet girl back; Don’t keep the joy of that baby boy all to yourself. Pass those kids around; spread the love. Help them learn about community and compassion and helping one another and helping themselves.
There will be plenty of times that they fall and you'll be there to pick them back up. But sometimes, they'll need to learn to find comfort in someone else’s arms.
Help them learn how.
Teach them by stepping back.
Let them go.
Just a little bit.
Give them space.
They are not your belongings.
Sweet mama, letting go is the hardest thing you will ever learn to do. It will break your heart and you will be alone, again and again.
Arms empty. Womb empty. House empty.
There is no way around it, no way to avoid it, no way to delay it. Sweet mama, don't cling to that baby just because you’re afraid of the day they’ll be gone.
Be brave and give your child room to grow. Continue to grow yourself. You are not a hero because you haven't had time to shower. You are a hero because you trusted your bond with your child enough to hand them over to someone else and go take that shower.
You don't have to put yourself last to be the best mother there is. The best way to support someone is to be beside them and a little behind. Let them go, let them fall; let someone else be there to catch them.
You can't watch every moment of their lives. You can't keep them safe. You can't even keep death away. Yes, sweet mama, it is terrifying. It is can’t-get-up-in-the-morning earth shattering. I know. I'm scared too.
Breathe in, breathe out and let go. Your children are not yours to keep – and you are but one of their teachers. (Click to Tweet)
Allow them many good teachers. Open the doors to your home and the doors to your heart so that your children do the same. Not everyone who comes in will be good, yet this too is one of your lessons to teach.
Sweet mama, each moment IS precious. but please don’t claim them all. Let your baby go out and explore. I can’t promise you it’s safe, I can’t promise you it won’t hurt, but I can promise you this: It’s worth it.
“Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but they are not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you.”
— Kahil Gibran
Hannah Weishart Garrison is a terrified mother of two who reads all about the mama heroes (heck, she can even read her own text messages) about how each moment is precious and SHIT it all goes so fast she doesn’t want to GIVE UP any moments. God, she wants them ALL TO HERSELF. She business coaches here and is working on launching this.
A Little Bird Told Me to Blog About Granola
Granola is food. As far as I am concerned anything with proteins and carbs that is EASY to eat in many different ways is PERFECT.
It also makes me feel all glowey inside when I make a big batch of ANYTHING. Like I've turned into some kind of survivalist.
So here is what you can do to feel like a glowing bass-ass survivalist:
In one bowl :
- Three cups of grains (I use mostly rolled oats and a bit of uncooked quinoa).
- One to one and a half cups of nuts. I find a combo of pecans and almonds pretty dope as long as I chop them up super fine.
- One teaspoon of salt - I like bigger crystals so it crunches.
- One to two cups of seeds (I favor raw pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds).
- One cup of shredded coconut. Yum.
- Two teaspoons of spices. I am currently using cinnamon and ginger and nutmeg. Explore!
Mix these all up together. Then add,
- 1/4 - 1/2 cup of oil (olive or canola works well)
- 1/2 - 3/4 cup of sweetener (I use maple syrup)
- Optional - One egg white, whisked until foamy before adding. This makes those clusters that I love.
Mix it all up – spread on a parchment paper covered cookie sheet (for easy clean up) – bake at 300 degrees for 45 minutes (stir mid way if you don't want clumps).
It will NOT be hard when you pull it out of the oven. It hardens as it cools. Let it cool all the way. Then add some chopped up dried fruits. About of cup of cranberries, chopped figs and raisins does the trick quite well.
I double the batch and share some with this chick.
A Maker and In Business: The Invocation of Balance.
Someone said the words to me last night: "You have to be a maker too."
At the beginning of things (things being this haphazard and awesome world I call my career/life) I was a MAKER.
I worked with my hands and in my brain, but with that part of my brain that wasn't linear. I used that part of my brain that was spinning and on fire. That passionate and creative spark. I've still got it. But it is a bit more buried these days.
You've gotta coax creativity sometimes. (Click to Tweet)
I love business. I love running a business and managing a business and all of those things involving numbers and goals and planning and marketing and making things for business BETTER. Seriously, ask my clients,
I THRIVE on this shit.
Need to help clarify your goals? Make a marketing plan? Get some debt paid off? Make more money? I am your woman. Running my businesses and coaching others to run theirs more effectively is who I am. I'd jump for joy at the opportunity to help you.
But. But. But. But. But.
It is NOT ENOUGH.
I must make as well. I must tap into that fluid place where color folds onto itself and shapes come into being. And so must begin,
the invocation of balance.
You should spend some time today thinking about how to find yours.
Word of the Year: THRIVE
So this year, for me, is about THRIVING.
To grow, vigorously.
It's funny to talk about this in winter. The trees are cold, nothing is visibly growing. And there's the rub; Sometimes, this growth is invisible to the naked eye.
It is hard, hard, hard, hard, hard to measure success when you are in a creative discipline.
- There is money. How much are you making?
- There is quantity of work. How many pieces did you produce?
- There is feeling. Do you feel good about what you are doing?
- There is praise. Did you win an award or a new client?
There are tons of ways to measure success and we need to pick our own based on what we value.
But that's success. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about GROWTH.
About stretching boundaries
and eating things that make us fuller
and reading things that make us smarter
and moving our bodies so that we get stronger.
We don't always FEEL our successes. But we can sure as hell feel growth. (Click to Tweet)
I feel bigger. I feel clearer. I feel more responsible and more frightened and less scared. I feel so much. And I continue to grow by putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
With intention.
This is it:
THRIVE.
What is it for you?
Confidence:: Seize It. Be It.
Lift your head up, woman. Look at me in the eyes. This is for you.
Yes, you heard me. I am speaking to you.
You are beautiful and strong. Right now. Has anyone told you this today?
Have you said those words to yourself, even at your weakest moment?
Look at your own worth. Write down your accomplishments. Celebrate yourself. And not in some pretentious way. Make it count. Create value.
There is no shame in this skin of mine. There is no shame in yours. Yes, we have emotions. Yes, we are not perfect. Yes, there is envy. Yes, I compare myself to you. Yes, I am not always my best. Yes, neither are you.
It doesn't matter. At the depths of it all, you know your truth. And the truth is, you and I both, we are really, really epic.
This is what I want to tell you:
You are captivating.
You are brilliant and talented.
You've done so much, it is magical. You glow with the weight of it.
Without you, I wouldn't have much to strive for.
Frozen.
I used to say I loved winter. To hunker down inside and work and work and work and work. To turn inward. To reflect and hibernate and put down roots and RITUALS.
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
(I won't forget it's beautiful.)
But this winter I am feeling more trapped. More restricted.
Frozen.
I guess I've something still to learn about stillness. (Click to Tweet)
So now each time I feel trapped, I promise you I'll take a breath.
So now each time I feel restrained, I'll raise my arms and spin in place.
So now each time I must pick my steps so slowly so as not so slip, I will ground and relish in the slowness and intention.
So now each time I pull at the layers, I will relax into the feeling of being held.
So now each time I want to breathe the air, I simply will. And feel the cold bite of frozen air.
And I will promise to capture a few of these moments in the stillness.
After all, we are lucky to have these frozen moments.
I am Hiring a Fucking Nanny
Yes. A nanny/housekeeper is in my crosshairs.
And I am having a meltdown about it.
I FEEL like a stay at home mom, though I know, intellectually, that I am not.
I want someone to do my laundry. But I like doing laundry.
I need help. And I am embarrassed. Don't you know? I am the person who does it all! (NOT). Part of doing it all is asking for help.
There is so much conflict in me that it HURTS. (Click to Tweet)
Inviting someone into my home. Being responsible for yet another someone's livelihood. Trusting that my kids will be okay. Trusting that I will be okay. Trusting that change is okay. Trusting myself.
Well, shit, is that what this is really about? Learning to trust that maybe I need help. Learning that it takes a village and that sometimes, it's a paid village.
Telling someone, candidly, that I don't think they should take a 40 hour a week job, because it just doesn't leave them ENOUGH TIME. And yet, telling someone else, they need more structure.
REFLECTIVE listening. And this INTERNAL COMPASS. That I MUST
LEARN TO TRUST.
But how?
And now, what you've all been waiting for: Hiring a person in THREE EASY STEPS:
- Be very.very.very.very.very clear about what their job is. Explain it well, completely and without fear.
- Like them. Do not hire someone you don't like. They won't do a good job, because the chances are very good they do not like you.
- Trust yourself. (Grrrrrrr)
Small Steady Steps. The Road to Lasting Change
There is this thing called change. I bet you feel strongly about it.
A) I crave it. B) I fear it. C) I could care less. D) All of the above. Which is you?
It is sticky. This CHANGE thing.
It is about growth, really. About stretching in to new uncomfortable positions. Or for some, it's the challenge of standing still that is the biggest change.
This is a hint. Don't promise to go to the gym five times a week if you've never gone before. Don't take on too much. Don't say. "I'll never."
Let go of the absolutes. (Click to Tweet.)
The best way to make a LASTING change is to bite off way, way, way, way less than you can chew.
This week, I'll leave my hair down more. That's it. I don't have to CHANGE everything. I don't have to change ANYTHING. I just have to dip my toe into the changes I might WANT to make.
Subtle shifts last.
Under-promise. You'll shift with ease.
It Takes All Day To Peel The Carrots
These was the farmers market.
There were the carrots and the parsnips and the brussel sprouts and the potatoes.
All I had to do was buy them and scrub them for dinner.
How did the farmers do it? How was there time in the day (they weren't blogging) to work the earth? How was there time (there was no Instagram) to haul the water? How was there time (there were no smart phones) to finish all the chores before bed.
Let's not forget that this technological lifestyle we live is so, so, so, so, so, so new.
Our brains are adapting to new advances so quickly. We can't even begin to imagine the reality of it. We are the generation of the BEFORE. Before the Internet.
When I was born, no one facebooked about it. It was private, but not lonely.
My children will never know the world before the Internet. They will never know how many books I used to read. They will never know me without a gadget in my hands. They will never glory in the Dewey decimal system. They will never have to pay for a long distance phone call. They won't miss, so deeply, someone's voice.
There is so much connectedness. It makes me tearful, this new world. It makes me want to scoop them up and take them to a different place and time. Take them somewhere simple. Take them to where technology won't sweep away their childhood. Their perceived innocence.
I want to let their brains unfold without stuffing them full. I want them to be bored. I want them to go play.
It's not even about parenting. It is about ourselves and our humanity. (Click to Tweet).
I know you feel it too.
-Hannah
Measuring Success:: How Good Am I?
My father just turned 70. Birthdays make me think a lot about timelines and transitions and mostly – am I getting where I want to go? Where is it I want to go? Am I doing a good job? What is my job? What am I doing? Whats the point?
Without dragging you down the bumpy existential road to self discovery...
How do you define success as a creative entrepreneur?
- Guit instinct?
- Emotional wellbeing?
- Bank balance?
- Fun working?
- Sense of accomplishment?
There is no boss to give you a raise. There is no one to tell you you are doing a good job. You are alone at your desk, most of the time. Or in your studio. Or on the road. Maybe you are surrounded by people. But in the end, there is just you and no accepted measure of your success.
Are you richer than last year? Are you more fulfilled?
How do you measure fulfillment?
It's different each day, isn't it. Some days there is GLORY and you are soaring high. Some days you are in the trenches.
SO how to measure without all the subjectivity?
- Are you attaining your goals?
- Are you in alignment with what you value?
And then we go ONE.STEP.BACK:
What ARE your goals? And, what do you value?
These are the two core questions that are worth your introspection. I promise. It doesn't take long. And it will be so very worth it. Every time you begin to spiral down the measurement alley, just ask yourself: Am I attaining my goals? Am I acting in accordance to what I value?
The answer will point you in the right direction.
Now walk the path. One step at a time.