Why I Put Shit in My Washing Machine
And why, my dearest dears, is this worthy of writing about? What does it have to do with PRACTICAL MINDFULNESS? Well, firstly, it
helps you know me better.
And that is useful because, why would you trust me to help you if I didn't share some of myself. (This has always been my problem with shrinks, by the way. You know they are crazy too, but they can't tell you anything about their crazy!) Luckily, I can tell you
ALL ABOUT MY CRAZY!
While I am up nursing at night I stalk cloth diaper swap boards. It is very strange and OCD and surreal and quiet and I adore it. It's like a shopping addiction where I don't buy anything and get an education. I want to admit this to you because we
ALL NEED strange addictions that CALM US and make us happy.
Seriously. People play candy crush, they Pinterest, the read recipes they'll never make. And I say, more power to you! Let your freak flag fly. Whatever it is,
go out there get a brainless, awesome, calming, addiction.
Don't let it eat you. Don't let it suck you dry. Just use it in moderation, at the right time, to work it's happy magic. And keep it in your back pocket as a COPING SKILL.
Fuck high school and algebra, these are the lessons we need.
How to make it through life. How stalking a cloth diaper swap board helps me keep my cool through six plus weeks of a baby who grunts and cries at me ALL DAY AND NIGHT LONG.
Okay, so my tips-and-tricks-for-living-a successful-life-in-a-practical-and-awesome-manner portion of this blog post is done. Now I am going to actually spend some time talking about cloth diapers. So bug out here if you don't care about the environment, or my baby's ass.
Some details on cloth diapers...
- I have not had to fill up my trash can with stinky ass diapers. (6,500 - 10,000 per kid for 2.5 years of diapering).
- I have not had to put super toxic absorptive gel crap next to the man parts of my itsy bitsy boy. (I also use lady cloth, but thats getting a bit personal, even for me).
- I have saved TONS of money. Diapers (especially the non-kill-your-baby-balls kind) are WICKED expensive. I used prefolds and covers, and I buy USED. It's cheap yo. My other top favorite is Grovia Hybrid diapers.
- I get to make fun things on my sewing machine, like cloth wipes.
- I have a wipes warmer - meaning I can wipe my face and hands with a warm towel any time of day or night without running excessive water and waiting for my on demand water heater to heat some up and use tons of electricity.
- I buy my supplies used and resell when I am done. Less stuff in the world. Boo yah!
- It's easy. Like, seriously, even my husband can cope with it.
- It's cool. Seriously, copy me.
- Want serious waste stats? CLICK HERE and read.
Life Lite – Live Light
Oh it is the fifth trip to sal–army this week to drop off bags and bags and it feels so amazing. What is it about lightening the load that makes me feel like a balloon? That makes me feel like this:
Oh it is the fifth trip to sal–army this week to drop off bags and bags and it feels so amazing. What is it about lightening the load that makes me feel like a balloon? That makes me feel like this:
Just a station wagon and some nalgene bottles. And a whole lot of love. But what I remember was the
LIGHTNESS.
Actually, scratch that. I am just pretending to remember lightness. I think I was pretty stressed at the time.
But back to LIGHTENING THE LOAD. Gosh, every bag I donate, every unused bunt pan, serving spoon, stuffed animal, and three hole punch – I levitate a little more. I feel
SPACE OPEN.
This is how I want to feel.
Clean, able to breathe, able to move and flow, inspired, soft, thankful.
I love identifying this. Realizing how profoundly space impacts me. How I love light shining off of golden wood floors.
My next tenant will move to the amazing space you see below. I love this, this offering of space. This way I collect money to support my family, in exchange for space.
ENTER THE GIVEAWAY HERE!
Like this stuff? Maybe you'll like this stuff:
Because I'm Stuck and I Suck. 3 Ways to UNSTICK and Feel Less Sucky.
But as per my usual style, I bit off quite a lot and then added a whole extra heap on top of that. And every time I carve out time for working on these sessions I AM STUCK. That's right. Writer's block. Idea freeze. Brain mush. Major distraction. Thoughtless. Sleepy. Confused. STUCK. Like seriously-cannot-take-one-step-further STUCK.
I am supposed to launch a whole series of these 30 minutes to... sessions in the END OF SEPTEMBER. Who planned this? (I did. Oops).
Well, supposed to because I decided I would as part of my GRAND MASTER PLAN. Well, and also because I have some people waiting patiently to sign up for them.
But as per my usual style, I bit off quite a lot and then added a whole extra heap on top of that. And every time I carve out time for working on these sessions I AM STUCK. That's right. Writer's block. Idea freeze. Brain mush. Major distraction. Thoughtless. Sleepy. Confused. STUCK. Like seriously-cannot-take-one-step-further STUCK.
Oh woe-is-me. This isn't supposed to happen to me. Yeah, right. I am perfect. If I get stuck, then how am I supposed to UNSTICK others. Hello! Experience! Self doubt, self doubt, insert a whole bunch of self doubt here. Which, of course, makes it more sticky!
So, what do I do? I back out gently. I look over my shoulder. I stop channeling the self doubt fairy. I stop questioning. I just stop and step backwards out of the hole. Or just away from the hole. Or just to the other side of the hole. You know the feeling when you are digging yourself deeper. Can you be brave enough to stop pushing against a boulder? Can you respect yourself enough to back the fuck up?
So here's me. Stuck and spiraling with it. And here is what I did. And here's where I am now:
1) REALIZE YOU ARE STUCK. You might say it out loud, "whoops, there I go, beating a dead horse." Or just write it out. Admit it. I AM STUCK. Then stop there – don't ask why, don't ask how to unstick. Just NOTE it. I am stuck. Then shrug. And for fuck's sake don't start analyzing. That's probably how you got here in the first place! OVERTHINK much?
2) BACK OUT / TIME OUT. You are not gonna write these session descriptions right now, Hannah. Your attitude is piss poor and inefficient. Go fold the laundry. Go have a snack. Go do ANYTHING ELSE. Meditation would be good. While you are doing that thing, please don't think that YOU SHOULD BE WRITING THOSE SESSION DESCRIPTIONS. Back out of the task that got you here in the first place. Take a shower. You suck at this right now, and that's okay
3) RE-ENTER. HEAD OPPOSITE. Whatever you were doing, it wasn't working. So, approach it from the other direction. I was feeling uninspired and time pressured to launch these sessions. So I ran harder, like a bull at the deadline. Aaaand, that didn't work. So, (after my realization of my stuckness and backing out of the task) I decided to do the opposite. I'd launch these for yearend, not the end of September. When I felt like rushing, I'd go slower. So, if you are feeling slow – do the opposite and set a deadline and rush towards it. What's the harm in trying a 180? You just might find that the opposite approach gets you to the same goal. Once I let off the pressure, the inspiration and joy began to flow back into my session descriptions. I am so excited to share them with you soon, but not as soon as I thought :)
So now, I am feeling good. I am unstuck and I don't suck. Try it for yourself. Suck-less and flow. I believe in you!
Enjoying my potty mouth? You might like some of these posts too:
Homecoming - Mess on Display
I love coming home.
I don't sleep. I wander around and touch my stuff. And wade thru dog fur.
I love coming home.
I don't sleep. I wander around and touch my stuff. And wade thru dog fur.
The mess doesn't bother me. Piles seem exciting. Inviting. I start thinking of new filing cabinets. I want to order glass jars for my tea. I wish my label maker did more fonts.
I take in small details. The fat blueberries in my oatmeal. Her blue eyes.
How can you approach something with freshnesss, with newness? Can you do just a little today?
Three Easy Ways to Boost Your Confidence Starting Today
I've been hearing a lot about confidence from a lot of different people. I've got it about 80% of the time, I'd say. I am lucky, but it also takes work. Self doubt creeps in through old patterns. Here are some simple (thought not always easy) things that you can do for a little confidence booster.
I've been hearing a lot about confidence from a lot of different people. I've got it about 80% of the time, I'd say. I am lucky, but it also takes work. Self doubt creeps in through old patterns. Here are some simple (thought not always easy) things that you can do for a little confidence booster.
1) Do One Special Thing For Yourself.
Treat Yourself. The bottom line is: You Deserve It. No matter what, the essential nature of you a being is deserving of honor. Do something to honor yourself today. Take a five minute walk and smell a flower. Use a favorite cup for a glass of ice water- and take the time to slice a piece of fruit to put in it. (I like the citrus cucumber one HERE.) Book an appointment for a massage. Whatever makes you know that you are unique and important and deserve special treatment. Last night I got into bed at 8:30 with my computer, a big glass of ice water and a window fan. What a treat to allow myself this early bedtime luxury!
2) Do One Thing You Don't Want To Do.
Have you heard of the concept of mastery? Mastering a task that is challenging for us, or that we don't want to do, sets off a biochemical chain reaction that bathes our brain in feel good hormones. Mastering small tasks has been show to lower cortisol (a stress hormone) levels. Thereby also reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. It is a technique used often in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Training), but is a skill that can help anyone build confidence.
3) Do One Thing For Someone Else
Saints everywhere know it. Helping others makes us feel good. And it causes a chain reaction of goodness across the land. Pick up a postcard and sent a quick note to someone. Donate to a charity, Kickstarter or Go Fund Me campaign. Help someone reach something in the grocery store. Do a chore that you know someone dislikes. There are a multitude of tiny things that will help spread the love and make the world a better place. It is even a business technique. I visited with someone today who I really didn't want to see. But it made them feel good. I even let them touch my belly!
Feel better yet? We all need a confidence boost once in a while. Try incorporating some of these thing into your life with increasing frequency and notice the shift in yourself.
Butterflies Abound - Transitions
So tomorrow I leave for three weeks with my toddler and two dogs to head to the beach and work remotely. It is a wonderful luxury of my job, my self-employment status. At the same time, it makes me crazy. Eight months pregnant, no AC, no dishwasher, lots of sand - oh, and did I mention it is an island? My darling husband will be away making money (which we totally need). I have yuppie problems, and I know it. (release guilt here)
So tomorrow I leave for three weeks with my toddler and two dogs to head to the beach and work remotely. It is a wonderful luxury of my job, my self-employment status. At the same time, it makes me crazy. Eight months pregnant, no AC, no dishwasher, lots of sand - oh, and did I mention it is an island? My darling husband will be away making money (which we totally need). I have yuppie problems, and I know it. (release guilt here)
I am preparing by purchasing my first beach chair, and I already bought some light magazine reading. Oprah is teaching me more simple stress relief and Home and Garden suggests freezing and canning techniques for fruits.
I am bringing lots of heavy books (like this one and this one) that I don't plan on getting to.
Transitions are always a challenge for me, and yet my life seems full of them. I say "BRING IT! Lots of room for practicing the skills of adaptation that I preach!" The monarch transitions so naturally, so today, it is my inspiration. I am off to Mexico in my mind.
Won't you JOIN ME in exploring how to step back, bend to the seasons, and learn what you can?
Balance - A Lesson From Fruit
Mmm, my whole car and house smelled like fresh berries for days. Every year I like to pick as much as I can of fresh blueberries, strawberries or blackberries and freeze them for the winter ahead. See, I like winter, but I don't like the absence of food that tastes like food. So, this is my solution.
Mmm, my whole car and house smelled like fresh berries for days. Every year I like to pick as much as I can of fresh blueberries, strawberries or blackberries and freeze them for the winter ahead. See, I like winter, but I don't like the absence of food that tastes like food. So, this is my solution.
The whole time we were picking (and beforehand) I was think a lot about the concept of preparedness. The fine line between being a horder and having a well-stocked pantry. Similarly, the line between getting all of your work done, but not being obsessive about completion.
There is something to be said for having fresh berries and there is something to be said for having a blank to do list. BUT, not ALWAYS. Again, back to the concept of balance.
Right now I am getting to practice a lot of my balance skills. I feel like I am rushing very fast to the finish line of this pregnancy, but still giving myself those reminders to live in the present moment and balance FAST with SLOW.
How do you keep balance in your life?
Organizing - My Brain
I am telling you the truth when I say that somedays I wish I could hire myself. I spent the last two days wrestling with pregnancy hormones and trying to sort out my plan of attack. Guess what?
I am telling you the truth when I say that somedays I wish I could hire myself. I spent the last two days wrestling with pregnancy hormones and trying to sort out my plan of attack. Guess what?
I didn't get there yet. And that's okay. Or at least, that's what I'd tell you. So that's what I am telling myself. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Allow space for these feelings, allow things to be DIFFERENT. I am choosing to allow myself to be DIFFERENT then I perceive myself to "normally" be. I tend to be very clear when it comes to my (or your) plan of action. These last few days, I can see yours clearly, but not mine. Can I roll with that? Can I make lists and watch the rain and read Dr. Seuss to my daughter and do some laundry and ignore some dishes and make something with my hands? Can I give myself the chance to NOT BE ORGANIZED OR EFFICIENT?
I'd like to try to let these feelings just float around and not attach to them. Not to struggle against the flow. Not to try to understand the WHY of it all. I'm gonna give it a shot and just keep repeating these words: Allow, alllow, allow. Don't judge, don't justify. Allow, allow, allow.
How do you adapt when you are not feeling like yourself?
Do you use inspiration? THIS print about songbirds and roots inspires me.
I Needed a Little Inspiration (& another GIVEAWAY)
I know I am not the only one, right? Right?
The one who lags during some weird eclipse. Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time. Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)
I know I am not the only one, right? Right?
The one who lags during some weird eclipse. Or who doesn't want to get up in the morning from time to time. Or feels more like yoga than sitting at her desk (or that doesn't feel like yoga but feels like sitting at her desk.)
I know you lurk out there with your off days too. It's not a secret you can keep from me. Nor one that I want to keep from you! I created these prints to help me through times that I needed a reminder (can you tell I really like reminders) of something or other. A little inspiration and a few deep breaths helps me. it helps me a lot. So I wanted to share with you.
I now offer for sale a set of five 4"x4" prints for $4.95 or, you can get a dozen for $9.95.
Check them out HERE.
Comment below with which one is your favorite. Next Friday I'll mail a few out to some lucky winners. Share for an additional entry.
Waiting
With my first pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes. Despite no indicators for it in my medical history, I failed all the tests and ended up eating a very strict diet and taking my blood 4 times per day for just under half of my pregnancy. Luckily, my daughter was fine, and I had no residual complications...
“Waiting is the hardest part...You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.”
With my first pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes. Despite no indicators for it in my medical history, I failed all the tests and ended up eating a very strict diet and taking my blood 4 times per day for just under half of my pregnancy. Luckily, my daughter was fine, and I had no residual complications.
Well, I am pregnant again. And the chances of having gestational diabetes in a subsequent pregnancy is high, something like 85%. So, this time around I've had to test for it twice. And I've had to wait for the results, twice. Man, waiting is uncomfortable for me. My last test was yesterday and I waited all day today for my doctor to call. I want to define what I felt when I say "waiting." I certainly didn't sit by the phone (the phone sat by me though). I kept busy (not too hard with a toddler and a few businesses to run). But, there was always that thought about the results circling in my mind. And that's what I mean by waiting. I mean my whole brain isn't present that some part of my thoughts are awaiting some future moment, and it is distracting to say the least.
I find myself waiting a lot. Waiting for software to upload, waiting for my daughter to fall asleep, waiting in line doing errands, waiting for the response to an email, waiting for bedtime when I can finish a good book, waiting for my husband to come back from a shoot, waiting, waiting, waiting. Not being wholly present. So my question started off like this: How do I get rid of the waiting feeling? And then I thought, "Well, the waiting feeling isn't the issue, it is the thoughts that go along with waiting: the what ifs, the future plans, the leaning away from the preset." So, my discovery was to try to just be with the waiting, not to work on it, or through it, or get rid of it or anything. But just to be with it.
And guess what? I beat the odds and I don't have gestational diabetes this pregnancy! I am thrilled (or as thrilled as I can be at six months pregnant on a 90 degree day.) But though my appreciation of the fact that I can eat ice cream this summer is great, what is greater to me is this lesson about being with something instead of thinking about it.
So, I was waiting for test results, and it was uncomfortable. And that's that. I didn't have to circle though the possible outcomes and resulting questions an necessary actions. All of that thinking was an ineffective use of my brain power. All I really had to do was wait, and be with the waiting. Did it change the outcome? No, of course not. But it did change mg experience.
Are you willing to try?
Start simple: Next time you are in line somewhere, or waiting for something or someone, try to focus just on the feeling of waiting. Don't think about what is next, or where you could be, or what else you might be doing. Just be with the waiting and know that it is okay.