An Admission:: UNSURE.
When I set out on this most recent blogging endeavor I knew I was A) late to the game, B) jumping on a bandwagon and C) somewhat confused. But I did it anyway.
Because I wanted to.
I am a
I help people answer questions and pick apart problems and grow better from this work. I consult mostly with business people, but also with moms and other creative folks. A lot of them have blogs. I read a lot of blogs. I real a lot of material in general. For me, it is a part of my work. But that's just how I crafted it.
I crafted my work, my life, my world around the things I love to do.
Sit at my desk on a rainy morning while my son sleeps and my daughter plays. Think about drinking tea.
Leave the tea unmade and write.
But the admission I am haltingly bringing about is that I am unsure about this writing I am doing here. Unsure about how public it is. Unsure that the hundreds of people that read what I write really need to be spending their time reading it. Unsure that I should be contributing to the vast about of information out there in the world. Unsure that I should be sitting here instead of playing with my kids, or getting a "real" job. Unsure if this is going to lead to money, or if it is for my soul. Unsure if it is a business or a hobby. Just plain unsure. And guess what?
That is just fucking fine.
All that matters is that I note the uncertainty. That I rest with is and turn it over and then LET IT GO. Maybe tomorrow I'll be certain. And then at some point I'll be certain again. Work with your uncertainty , allow it. Trust that it is okay. And if you want to, leave me a comment below and remind me that you are reading, and that you are uncertain too.
We all want to feel a little less alone.
I've Never Lived in a House Before
Really. A friend pointed this out and gosh darn it, it's true.
I've always been apartment bound.
I grew up in NYC. I am Eloise, only, not quite at all. My growing up apartment, where my mom still lives, is a rented two bedroom - about 1300 square feet. It's on the fifteenth floor.
Here, today, at the new house I stepped out ONE step and was outside. It was so nice out that I stepped back in, grabbed my phone, my keys, my water and my kids and went to the playground. I was there in less than 5 minutes.
I didn't even bring my purse.
No wallet, no snacks. This is awesome.
Houses are cool.
Not driving is cool. So far so good.
Join me in the hood?
My Body, A Reminder
I move at lightening speed. I run, dance, play, Eyes glued, peeled wide. Forward always.
My body reminds me to stop.
I still have this line on my belly. Linea negra. A fading badge of pregnancy. A reminder that I am only eleven weeks postpartum. That I have an ELEVEN week old baby.
I am still deep in recovery.
Deep in transition.
I might fly ahead, but my body keeps signaling me to stop.
Look down, Hannah.
"Mama,"my three year old calls, tugging on my sleeve. A glance from my husband, missing me. The me, you know, that I was. Well, parts of her at least. The me that is still there, under this linea negra; on the other side of this transition. This body, this life, this job, this moving.
SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.
Again. And again. And again.
We rush forth and then intentionally s l o w. My body signals me, in advance of disaster, slow down. I look up from my soft belly, into the mirror, into my eyes. Connect. Slow down. Savor and enjoy. But most of all
LISTEN.
Do The Same Things Everywhere
When my mom and I drive through towns we always wonder:
"What do the people DO here?"
I am starting to wonder that about myself. What is life really made of? Do my quote-unquote accomplishments matter? Does anyone notice if I wash the dishes?
I know I think too much.
I've noticed, thanks. But seriously, moment after moment after moment. This is life. Just stringing the bits together.
Here I am, now on the East Side of Providence, still asking the same questions. Still trying to figure out what the heck I am doing.
This morning's answer sponsored by Emerging Energy Acupuncture: I am off to make banana bread.
Signs of Fall
I love fall. I love the turning in the inspiration of pinterest, brisk walks, glowing leaves. It's a transition I am really, really good at. It's the shit that makes my soul glow.
I love fall. I love the turning in the inspiration of pinterest, brisk walks, glowing leaves. It's a transition I am really, really good at. It's the shit that makes my soul glow.
Different people thrive in different seasons. This is mine, but what's yours? What feels real to you? Which shift do you wait for, dream about, embrace and revel in?
Keep reading:
BLOG
about 2 weeks ago
about 3 months ago
By Popular Demand: Mini Computer Help Session
about 5 months ago
Do the Dirty Work
Yes, love, there is sweetness. Yes, love, there are flowers. There's red lipstick and
lace panties
(yes,underwear jealousyis a theme for me right now.)
Yes, love, there is sweetness. Yes, love, there are flowers. There's red lipstick and
lace panties
(yes,underwear jealousyis a theme for me right now.)
Yes, dear, there are sunsets, lazy with tea and wine. Yes, dear, there are sleepy mornings, fog rolling in, down ensconced.
We heart these lovelies. We embrace the moments between the sweat and the tears. Or, at least, we try.
But there is also the dirty.
There's the dog shit, the cat puke, the kids screaming and the
damn sun rising too soon.
There's the never-glam scrubbing of tiles. The making of the money, the driving to the bank, the carrying the groceries to the car, the cutting the toenails. There is the everyday and the mundane
and the sudden and beautiful and wild.
Somehow, these things have gotta learn how to share space. How to dance with each other, spinning and spinning through this thing called life.
There is something beautiful about bearing witness to the grunt labor. Those business women sitting there entering line item after line item in their quickbooks. Those mama's bouncing babes on their hips while pushing mops, folding clothes. Those masons stacking brick after brick, building the foundation of a home. In the basic tasks of life, there is freedom, there is routine, there is good, old fashioned hard work.
Today I am tired of the lazy. Annoyed at the self-righteous. Frustrated at the spoiled.
Go out and work, people. Only then do you deserve to rest.
(or trick or treat)
Want to read more?
BLOG
about a month ago
People Making Pasta in My Artless Kitchen
about 3 months ago
about 3 months ago
People Making Pasta in My Artless Kitchen
Artless kitchen because we are MOVING and everything is in boxes (almost).
Pasta because Chris' brother is here making Spaetzle. Like macaroni and cheese, only better.
And I am warning you,
I am FEELING LOST.
Artless kitchen because we are MOVING and everything is in boxes (almost).
Pasta because Chris' brother is here making Spaetzle. Like macaroni and cheese, only better. And anything with cheese always makes me happy.
And I am warning you,
I am FEELING LOST.
I seem to have forgotten, until today, just how sad moving makes me. I walk around despairing the loss of views through windows, the squeaks of doors and floorboards, the feeling of a door handle in the dark, the shape of the ceiling fan's shadows. I feel heartbroken and mournful. Like leaving a lover, like death, like change.
I know it's like passing from maiden to mother, from mother to crone. I know it's like leaving a job and clearing your desk and cutting your hair. I know it's the jacket that got left in the nightclub, the tattoo drawn but never inked.
Loss. Emptiness. Abandon.
So, I'll hold my babies close, look out this window for the last time, and feel the ground beneath my feet.
Change and challenge. Prevail.
Because you are here already, you might as well keep reading:
BLOG
Oh Snap, What Have I Done #wordlesswednesday
about 4 months ago
Passive Income like a Mother*ucker
about 4 months ago
The Hustle. (I'm a Hustler, Baby. I Just Want You to Know)
about 6 months ago
I'm The Mom Your Mother Warned You About
- I'll show you mine if you show me yours. I think the top of my ToDO list should read: "Things not ToDo: Go Crazy."
Whoops, already am.
“Honey, you don’t know shit about someone till they show you your ToDo list. So don’t judge. ”
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
I think the top of my ToDO list should read: "Things not ToDo: Go Crazy."
Whoops, already am.
I have a meltdown level amount of things to do. And then there are those pesky things like work, eating, shopping, bathing, cooking, meditating, exercising, etc.
And you know what my secret is to getting all of this done? I'll tell you:
DO ONE THING AT A TIME.
I am very, very, very, very, very serious. When shit gets really craycray, slow it down. It is IMPOSSIBLE to do more than one thing at once. Focus people. Pay attention. I'm out.
Interested? Keep reading:
Moving Life
I know I am not the only one who loves moving. But I really do. I've been getting rid of stuff lately and now I am so excited to pare down even more and pack up.
We were approved for our loan (our third, ohmygod) to buy the new blue house! And we close (I think) in about two weeks.
Now on the agenda:
I know I am not the only one who loves moving. But I really do. I've been getting rid of stuff lately and now I am so excited to pare down even more and pack up.
We were approved for our loan (our third, ohmygod) to buy the new blue house! And we close (I think) in less than ten days.
Now on the agenda:
- Packing. (Yippee Yeah YEAH Yahoo!)
- Fixing up our current place. Want to come paint window trim for us? Also, patching walls, cleaning, primping, making gorgeous.
- Trying to rent our current apt. See listing HERE. And please, pass it around.
- Taking care of two kids, running a few businesses, and wait, doing this all in the next two weeks!
- Is there something I am missing? Like dreaming about stuff for the new house on etsy?
- Oh, right, taking off the trim in the laundry room to get the washer out, switching the plug back to a euro to put in a different washer/dryer, getting the mason to come and re-tile the shower....crap! Go, team, go!
And now, because you always look for this:
Mindfulness in Moving
Things to notice as you go:
- SPACE. Stop. Breathe it it, feel it around you.
- STUFF. See your attachments. Note them & move gently along.
- DECISIONS. Yes, we all make them. Trust yourself deeply.
- TIME. Things change. We are always IN FLUX. Breathe again. Accept.
- CALM. Even in the most harrowed moments, there are other moments within.
Close your eyes and smile. You CAN do this.
Read more and read it here:
Island Life
So the deal is this: A bunch of my family bought property here, on Block Island, in the 70's and 80's. The land was dirt cheap and the island pretty inaccessible. That's all changed.
So the deal is this: A bunch of my family bought property here, on Block Island, in the 70's and 80's. The land was dirt cheap and the island pretty inaccessible. That's all changed. It's a booming tourist industry where land is unbelievably expensive and the tourist population runs wild. While my family used to own cool retail stores, they now rent their properties. This place is how I got turned on the the rental & real estate business. So typically, our houses are rented in summertime – and thats okay with me. After the tourists leave an the seasons begin to shift the island becomes ours once again. Fall out here can be warm, swimming, leisure days or blustery stew and fireplace weather. Totally unpredictable, totally perfect. Picking pears and apples, making pie, eating beef stew in front of a crackling fire. Tanning on the deck, taking outdoor showers, walking down the beach. Is this the life?
I am so
lucky
to have the life flexibility I have. Thank you internet (ahh, online businesses). Thank you Nicole (my trusty assistant). So, if you need me, catch me online; I'm on
island time.
